Thursday, October 30, 2008

More waiting?

I know I seem crazy to some of you. Probably those of you who haven't done multiple IVF cycles or had multiple miscarriages or other complications. To the rest of you, you know exactly how I feel. Yes, I am thrilled by my strong early beta number. However, I am more nervous about the more important number- the number I get tomorrow. Early high levels of hcg can suggest multiples or it can suggest one strong, healthy, nicely-implanted embie...however, the most important question is if that number is going up properly. Generally speaking, the number should double every 2 days. Though there is variation (see betabase.info for specifics), I will feel much better if my beta doubles or more than doubles...if it is sluggish I will truly be scared.

In December, I had an ectopic pregnancy (they think, though they couldn't find it anywhere) and to give you and idea: my first beta came back at 18 on 9dp5dt, the next day (10dp5dt) it was in the 30's and then 2 days later (12dp5dt) it went to 58, this all combined to make it so that we knew something was wrong and this was very likely not going to be a healthy baby. The numbers continued to go up and then down and then back up, until I had to have surgery to remove it before it did damage.

In contrast, this cycle is beautiful so far...so, though I have fears, I am also ecstatically happy. I was attempting to be cautious for a time but then Brett had a good point, he asked me if I try to be cautious and hold back my excitement, will I be any less disappointed and hurt if it doesn't work out? I said of course not, to which he replied: then lets enjoy it and be happy for now! Ah, words of wisdom....

So, I will post my second beta number tomorrow. Until then, I will be happy and excited and, yes, still nervous and on pins and needles.

4 comments:

Lisa said...

Hang in there hon! I know it's easier said than done, but you're hubby makes a GREAT point!! Enjoy this while you can. And I have a feeling it's going to be for a very long nine months :)

MamaSoon said...

Rooting for you and the baby(ies). I know you are nervous but I am thrilled to know you are the right side of the worry fence. Are you POASing everyday still? How do you feel?

DAVs said...

I agree with your DH--why delay happiness?? And I have a very good feeling for you--CCRM worked its magic for sure!

MamaSoon said...

But, but, but... it is friday afternoon. Will you post soon? Should I check the forum? ;-)