lilypie

Lilypie

Monday, December 14, 2009

31 weeks and a church story

As of yesterday, I am 31 weeks! I can't believe we are just chugging along at this! I woke up yesterday morning and got ready for church...I felt huge. I finally felt like I looked like I was in my third trimester...so much so that I put on my long-ish discount maternity shirt that I've been dying to wear and thought I'd fit sooner than later. Well, we got into church and I got up to go to the bathroom before service started. As I was returning, I noticed a couple sitting across from us look at me and then both smile HUGELY. I kinda smiled and went to our pew and told Brett that I think that couple just figured out that I was pregnant too (we see them every week and over a month ago bumped into them at Lowe's where Brett and I realized she was pregnant). Anyway, at our "peace" break, my church has a tendency to clear out the pews and every single member greets every other member with a "peace be with you", I mean, it takes forever. Well, I see this woman (half of the smiling couple) who usually sits in church and knits with the pretty fabric sitting peaceably on top of her pregnant belly, make a beeline for us. She was sweet and smiling and said "welcome to the club!". So, I smiled, said peace and then asked her how far along she was (guessing she'd be due around the same time as me). She said "April"...and then she asked me. I said mid-February...and time stopped. Seriously, a moment frozen. Her eyes got wide, she opened her mouth, looked at my belly and FROZE. My mind feverishly backtracked...what did I say? what happened? And then I realized it is because they see me every week almost and just realized that I was pregnant and I am already so far along. Well, it was sooo uncomfortable. I coughed a little, sputtered, and said, "I know...I don't look big, I guess its just the way I am carrying her." She finally shut her mouth, looked at her husband, who had finally made his way over too...and then smiled and went back to their seats. Brett couldn't stop laughing. It wasn't that I am so proud that I am carrying funny or small...it was just this odd frozen moment in time with the look on her face. Brett actually turned to me and was like "she is probably kicking herself for her reaction...b/c that was so funny!". Of course, it makes me nervous. I mean, is my baby tiny? I don't think so...I am measuring fine - well, one centimeter behind but my doctor said that the tape measurement is normal within 2 cm either way...so that is normal. I am gaining weight like I should...less than my doctor said but more than the nurse practitioner wanted. So, normal. It was so awkward...I hate making people feel uncomfortable. The worst part is that I turned to Brett a few minutes later and whispered..."but I finally thought I looked as pregnant as I am!!!!". Oh well....on a good note, maybe I won't get any stretch marks, right?

When we got home, I asked Brett to take a picture of me so that I can preserve it and this very funny story. I mean, it probably isn't so funny in retelling but that frozen moment still makes me giggle! So, here is my 31 week belly pic:
I just look like a barrel in this pic:



And this one...who knows?




On another note, we are done with the childbirth classes. I'm not sure what I thought of them. The information was useful. It scared me away from most medical intervention and pain relievers in labor and delivery...though that wasn't her intent at all. She was pushing the pain meds and epidurals at the same time as saying they are likely to slow down or stop labor which will then require adding pitocin (and we all know that as soon as you add pitocin, your chance for a c-section increases). So, that didn't help. The breathing techniques were awful. I was kind of wishing I knew more at the start of this and tried to find a class in the Bradley method, which seems more along the lines of what I was interested in. Oh well. I seriously doubt I will use any of the breathing techniques but instead, resort to my well known yoga breathing techniques.




Also, I made an appointment to do maternity photos. Part of that grand prize from the baby expo included a few discount seatings with photographers. Some were baby-specific, others not. So, we are using one of those huge discount cards on a maternity photographer. However, I have no idea what to wear....I'm not big on the nude or flowy sash almost nekkid shots...so does anyone have any recommendations? I'm leaning towards a burgundy fitted v-neck and jeans, a white button down of Brett's and jeans and/or black pants. She said she liked colors so she'd prefer less whites and blacks...but I don't know. She also said to somewhat match Brett to what I am wearing...I'm so afraid of these coming out cheesy!!!! My appt isn't until mid-January, but I'm thinking on it.


Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Our Loss

Today is the anniversary of my awful ultrasound last year, that showed that my beautiful 10 week fetus had stopped living sometime in the last week. I don't dwell on this and I know for a fact that time heals and in years to come I may start to actually forget the date that this occurred on...though I will never forget how painful it was nor how excited we were to be finally pregnant. I can say without a doubt, this was the hardest thing for me to live through. Just seeing that heartbeat for weeks, getting released to the OB, starting to have hope that our baby was strong and would make it...and then seeing that blank, unmoving ultrasound. I truly wish no one had to experience anything like this. I know it was early...I know things happen later that are worse...I know I am lucky that this is the hardest thing that I've had to experience in my life so far. Knowing that doesn't help. It was still awful.

I am so thankful that we are so much further along this year and that I can feel little Teagan moving all the time. I am so happy she keeps me up at night now with her kicks and wiggles. I don't care about that sleep I am missing...it is so much nicer to have the reassurance from her movement. It is crazy what infertility does to you...and what loss does. So, this post is just a little memorial to our loss last year. Our beautiful, loved, little bean.