Argh! I had a conversation with a good friend of mine yesterday. She is a great person but for the last few months I haven't spoken with her much because she tends to be one of those "just watch, you will stop all these treatments, maybe adopt and then you will get pregnant. You will see" people. And, as a result, I really just don't want to talk with her much. I'm not obsessed. This isn't really killing me. I am just doing all that I can do to get pregnant and it didn't work the natural way...what is wrong with that? I've even stopped talking about it with people hoping that they will just talk about OTHER THINGS. But, no. I felt bad not calling her for the last few months so I finally returned a call yesterday and again I got this statement. We were talking about CGH and what that means for me. She is older and never experienced infertility but is very curious and wants to learn what I am going through. Well, she said, so you have a couple of months in between having your eggs taken and when you transfer them back? I said yes. Again, she said, "oh...great! then you will get pregnant then! You will see! When you are finally off of all of these medicines and your body can do its regular thing, it will happen. I am so excited for you!!" Okay. is that not annoying? I had to raise my voice again and tell her that yes, you do hear about those people who take a break from IF and end up pregnant or those who finally adopt and then have a child of their own and you hear about them alot. But that is because their story is interesting so everyone wants to hear about it but once again...they are the exception. The rest of us, when we stop doing this IF thing end up old and without children!
I am writing this post because this happens all of the time to all of us and there are several people who read my blog who are just friends or are yoga students of mine and I would like everyone to understand that this is not what you say to someone who is experiencing infertility. It doesn't help. I am not mad at you or even upset but if you say this once or twice to me, it is fine, but if you say it every time I talk to you, I'm not going to want to talk to you anymore. It is hard repeatedly explaining the same thing to you every time.
Speaking of that, I have another friend who is terribly sweet but also says something along those lines...even worse. She said "you know, once you stop all this IVF you will get pregnant, this is all just a waste of money. you should give up". NOT HELPFUL. I have spent years on the infertility boards and, to be honest, have seen my share of women getting their BFP's through IVF or other fertility methods. I have seen lots of BFN's. But I've only seen a blessed few BFPs occur during a break. I can name 3. Um, out of thousands of women. Those 3 are very lucky and I am so so happy for them. But those odds aren't good enough. If I can't get pregnant when 4 live embryos are put inside my uterus, what makes you think it will happen when the sperm may not even reach the egg? Argh.
I apologize for the rant. For those friends of mine who read this and realize that they've said these things to me, please don't get upset. I just needed to vent. And, now I have to go because one of my dogs just walked in here and farted. Bad. I need air....