Warning- I just wrote this and re-read it and it jumps all over the place, but I think that is what happens when you get used to blogging and then don't post for 2 weeks and everything just gets said in one big blob...so, I just left it. Welcome, 2009.
I had hoped that this year would be different from the last two New Years in that we'd be looking forward to our baby in the upcoming year, but, we were relegated back down to the "this year will be it!" stage again. Desperately trying to hold on to hope for the new year. My hope has been slipping a little bit but Brett has been good at keeping me above water. So, I am approaching 2009 with hope dammit!
We will go ahead with a CGH cycle, if that is what Dr. G says is our best bet. We had hoped to have insurance cover everything, and the new insurance said it would, but then we found out that it covers everything BUT the CCRM lab and surgery center don't participate in our insurance, so the only thing being covered are ultrasounds and physician fees - which beyond sucks. CCRM has the paperwork and will get me a breakdown on what is covered, but what crap, right? So, though we went out of our way to find insurance that would cover IVF, it is not covered at the particular facility we chose, even though our doctor is an in-network provider. However, we have one more in us, or at least our credit cards do...After that, we will have to regroup.
On an up note, Dr. G does rock. He sent us a great email on Christmas eve, telling us that he knows how hard this year has been for us and what a terrible thing happened, but we should still be optimistic for the new year. It was very very kind of him and actually did give me some optimism (after a strict talking to from Brett, when I chose to mentally dissect the email and come up with bad things that could be read into it).
So, 2009 will be better. We will learn something from this painful event and we will move forward to learn more and hopefully, by this time next year, I will be very very pregnant and very very content. Many of you who read my blog are fellow IF people, experiencing many of the same painful things that I've been through over the last few years. Many of you are now finally pregnant and are entering the new year with great excitement and optimism. For the others, like me, trying to start 2009 hopeful again, we probably should be just as excited and optimistic as the pregnant women...we have great, strong families and husbands and partners, and have each other to lean on, encourage, and cry with. We are really doing alright. And, this will be our year.