They are here!

This is gonna be another very quick post...I went in on Monday for my biweekly NST and sonogram and baby B's heart was a little fast. The OB said it probably meant nothing but wanted me to go to L&D for observation and then to induce since I was already 39w1d and it was "time" (considering I was walking around dilated to 5 or 6, I agreed) . So, over we went. We got there at noon, were on an NST until 4. At 4 they started very light pitocin, at 4:45 I got my required epidural, at 5 they broke my water and the girls were born at around 8pm. Things went fast...it was crazy. Hannah (baby A) was born head first and then they pulled Seane (baby B) out by her little feet a few minutes later. It got a little hairy when it appeared a shoulder was stuck, but I pushed once and out she came, she had one loop of cord around her neck, they pulled it off, rubbed her a bit, she was breathing and fine! They were 6lbs 2oz and 6lbs 4 oz, respectively and they are perfect. They do not look alike at all...barely appear to be sisters, let alone twins, which I think is wonderful. Seane looks just like Teagan did as a baby and Hannah totally looks like herself. They are amazing. Teagan is actually being a great big sis and seems excited about them. Here are a few quick pics taken in the hospital...

37w3d

Still here. Have a ton to post but am too busy lately...and rarely get on the computer to write a post b/c I have to go down stairs to do it and my only real pregnancy complaint at this point is incredibly painful knees. I am actually worried they won't hold me up much longer. Hopefully, more later...and soon, an announcement!

2 days to 36 weeks!!!

Its taken me forever to get here and get an update down on the blog. I am 35w5d today and just looking to make it to Sunday, at least. For the time being, I seem okay...but for the last couple of weeks, I have had some really bad contractions (some getting to only 7 min apart for hours) and some serious doubts about being able to make it to 36 weeks....but, here I am. I am hoping to get to 37,though, to be honest, my body somewhat disagrees with this since it feels like it is giving out! I am exhausted and worst of all, my knees are hurting more than I could ever have imagined. Apparently the relaxin loosens the joints, all the weight pulling forward compromises the integrity of the joint, and then I live in a split level where anything I need to do requires using stairs. I am in agony! I have family visiting a lot and helping out, which I appreciate but also, on some level, hate. I hate that I can't do things myself, I hate that I can't play as much with Teagan, and I hate that I feel so not "me". But, that being said, I love these babies and want them to be strong and healthy...and I am leaving their birthday up to them, so we will see what they choose:-)

Besides that, I have absolutely nothing to say...too tired to really be coherent. I just took a pic on Sunday so I will post that one soon...to give you an idea. I haven't gained as much as I wanted to...but I am glad I didn't listen to my doctor (the one I changed to on recommendation of a friend) and I front loaded the weight gain. This particular doctor told me not to worry about gaining and that it all comes on quickly at the end. I didn't believe him so I purposely gained weight faster...he didn't seem happy...but here I am, almost 36 weeks, and barely up 38 lbs. And, I haven't gained in about 3 weeks...I just can't eat enough with my stomach all squished up. So, I am trying to keep eating and my new (the OB that delivered Teagan) seems to think I am doing fine....but I am starting to look funny with this HUGE belly and not so big anywhere else...I think I am actually getting skinnier in places and I don't think it is good for the babies or for breastfeeding eventually....

So...on that note, off to get breakfast ready. I will try to update soon...

Picking Organic apples and nursery pics!

This is gonna be a short post. But here are some pics for the friends and family who have hung in there with this incredibly slow moving blog:-) Here is my little beauty picking organic apples...and then laughing on the floor of our living room. She is my little miracle!






And...as promised, nursery pics for our soon to arrive little miracles:

So, we are basically all ready...now we just wait:-) Hopefully, at least 4 more weeks. I'd like them to stay in at least until 37 or 38 weeks. However, not sure I want them to stay in to 40, lol, though I know it is safer that way...but, eeek! I'm tired!

Baby A is head down!!!!

The appointment went great today. I am so happy I changed back to my original OB. Here are some pics of our little ones...

The elusive baby B...hiding behind her arms...She looks a lot like her big sis. She is mostly head down though still considered transverse, with her head slightly lower than her body...either moving into position or staying there, either way is a good position for birth, they said:-) She is estimated to be 3lbs 8oz!!!! Her head measures smaller than her sis though she is estimated to be a half pound bigger!

Baby A...who had graciously turned head down (and is likely to stay that way since room is running out...but she could surprise us!). She doesn't look like her big sis, which is great! I wanted them all to look a little different and so far, they do! With baby B looking more like T but A having her own adorable look! She is estimated to be about 3 lbs.

Both babies are measuring good. They are in a good position for birth. I'm not worried that B is slightly bigger than A b/c her head is measuring smaller (she's got a chunkier belly!) and everything else looks good. Of course, with twins, its still a good chance of c-section but I'm hanging on to hope! Everything else is great. I can't wait to meet them, but will happily wait another 7 weeks or so....!

Getting ready

I haven't really said much about this pregnancy and I do feel a little bad. I have been getting excited and getting ready...the nursery is ready, I will take a pic today and post ASAP. We bought a couple of preemie outfits to take them home in just in case they come early...and even if they don't, since Teagan was little at almost 42 weeks and I am guessing that any babies of ours that come earlier than that will be little. We have been doing everything to get ready...I've been nesting like crazy (aka, trying to clean but it is so hard for me to get down and clean and organize the things I want, oh...and...SHOPPING). I just haven't posted about any of this. Its not just that I am busy. I know it makes it seem like I am not excited...but I am. I am so excited to see two tiny little peanuts, to hold them and introduce them to their big sister. The issue is that it is so much harder the second time around! I constantly worry about how Teagan is going to feel. She is such a loving, open, confident baby that I am worried about her feeling replaced or pushed aside. Another obsession of mine this entire time has been how we are going to arrange everyone who wants to visit in the first few weeks. My mom is here for T when I am giving birth and when Brett needs to be with me, but then my MIL has offered to come in too (though we aren't sure when this will be since I am hoping to go into labor naturally). Then we've had lots of offers of people "taking Teagan off our hands" in the first few weeks and I am trying to find a way to nicely tell people that I want her with us. She is already going to be feeling like she is on rocky ground with two new babies in the house and then people are going to take her somewhere else (away from us?)? I'm afraid she will really feel replaced. So, I am finally figuring this all out and getting stronger about it. My thoughts are that we don't want house guests in the first 2 weeks. Brett will be home with me and, between us, we need to work out a schedule that is doable before he goes back to work. After that, people can come and visit but Teagan is only going out for regularly scheduled activities and maybe (maybe!) a short trip somewhere (if she wants to go). Regularly scheduled activities are her pool classes and her parent/child gym classes at the Y or our church playgroup. Besides that, I want her here, being a part of the family, getting love from everyone who is willing to give it HERE. I'm putting my foot down. And, finally, I am starting to breathe again. Truthfully, this has literally been obsessing me for 2/3 of this pregnancy and it really isn't fair b/c I want to just enjoy it and I spend so much time trying to figure out what I think is best for everyone and then feeling like I am being railroaded into something else.

This probably seems petty but here is the truth. Everyone wants to be there when the babies get home, right? So, you have the entire family there, ooohing and aaaahing and helping out, then your hubby goes back to work, everyone leaves and you are left with babies that aren't on a schedule, all alone, with, hopefully, a few frozen casseroles left in the freezer from the church family. Panic hits. I have not experienced this since we put our foot down last time too...but I have friends who have had really really hard times.

The other issues is...I am planning to breastfeed twins. If you've ever had even one baby home in the first few weeks breastfeeding, you know that modesty is out the window. You are figuring things out and the babies' feeding comes FIRST. Now double that. There is no hooter hider on earth that is going to help me stay modest while feeding 2. So, I just have to whip them out and feed...maybe after they get on a schedule (oh, about 2 weeks...?), I will be able to get away to another room and feed while company entertains Teagan...but there it is....another reason for us to have 2 weeks as a family.

Crazy that this has been bothering me so much, maybe. I expect T to do well for the transition but I don't expect her to be a "little mommy" as a lot of people have said. She is going to be a precocious little beautiful toddler who wants mommy's lap and attention and will have to adjust to having 2 new siblings in the house. But, I want her to feel and react however is natural to her and still feel loved and appreciated. It is going to be a balancing act.

SO...that is what I've been up to. I haven't really wanted to put it into words b/c I was worried that it would seem like I was ungrateful. I am not. I am extremely excited and feel incredibly blessed that we have two little ones on the way and that we have such wonderful family and friends who want to help us out. I can't even express that in words. Teagan will be a big sis and will have family to complain to about her parents and life, even if we aren't around...which is beautiful to me. There will be fights but I am also looking forward to three little girls, 2 boxers, 1 chihuahua and mom and dad crammed into a messy bed on Sunday morning!

Besides that, I haven't documented that I have changed OB's once and then back to my old one (the one that missed T's birth even though I was induced) b/c the practice I changed to acted like I was asking for a home birth when I asked if we could try a vaginal birth if they presented right (well, that was one of the reasons). I haven't documented that they are getting stronger and stronger and kicking me constantly...and strongly! I can actually see the movements and, once in a while, I get a big tushy sticking out and have to gently push it back in, for which I get kicked! I also haven't documented that Teagan has been adorable and pulls my shirt up, says "babies!!!" and then kisses my belly button...even though, I know she doesn't understand it in reality AT ALL...it is adorable and was totally unexpected. So, I've missed a lot but, thus far, its been beautiful and relatively easy. I am getting huge. Today is 30w4d and I have a growth ultrasound and OB appt, but I am guessing (and hoping and praying) that all is well. I will update soon:-)

Hearts are normal

The fetal echocardiogram took 2 hours! It was incredibly hard to do because it is almost impossible for me to lay on my back for more than 5 minutes...I was close to passing out a few times, we did some sitting up and some on my sides and we got it all completed. With great results. So far, their hearts are completely normal. All good here. Just a quick post and update....since I have an 18 month old whose favorite word is "mommy!!!!" running around me trying to get to the keyboard!

Oh...and woke up with pain in the belly and by this afternoon, you guessed it...stretchmark! Ugh. I got away without them from having Teagan but I knew I was in trouble when I found out we were pregnant with two. Such is life...we get a beautiful gift in having 2 more girls...but I have to pay just a tiny bit for it in probably never wearing a 2 piece again...not too bad of a bargain, I guess.

quick belly pic...29w2d

I am so tired...I keep promising an update...but by the time DD goes to bed, I want to pass out on the couch! So, soon! In the meantime, here is a current belly pic! I have a big appointment with a pediatric cardiologist on Thursday to make sure both babies' hearts are healthy and normal (everything seems normal but since I had a fixable heart defect at birth, they are at risk for something similar, so we are just being careful). I will update then. I am not nervous at all really...just interested in the 30 minute ultrasound I get!!!!

Moms of multiples are freaks of nature

I know a lot of people have probably seen this video, its been around a lot. I just had to repost it. So ridiculously true.

26 weeks...GD tests, etc

I am terrible at getting on the computer lately. My beautiful girl is seriously a handful! I get an hour to myself in the morning by locking her in the family room with sesame street so I can do laundry, take a shower and anything else that needs to be done...and I still have to check on her 5 times because the kid does not sit still. She watches it from standing on top of the coffee table or toychest and jumping up and down, she tries to open the screen door to the fenced yard (and sometimes succeeds), she does everything in her power to stay moving constantly! I know TV is frowned upon but, lets be honest, I'm 26 weeks preggo with twins and sometimes need a little break!!!! So, she watches sesame street and sometimes Blues Clues, but that's about it for now. Talk to me again closer to Oct. 30!

A couple of weeks ago I had my first one hour GD test and failed with a whopping 185! I was told I'd likely have it because diabetes runs in both sides of my family and I am carrying fraternal twins, which significantly increases the likelihood...so I was ready. I took the 3 hour test last friday and was sure I failed. Everyone I've ever heard of who passes that feels awful and sick by the end of it. I felt fine! Absolutely fine. Drank the icky stuff, sat there and read the kindle in between each blood draw. On Monday I bugged the OB's office for the results but they didn't get them....then Tuesday, whew! I passed! With flying colors! My blood glucose levels were on the low side! yay!!!!! I was dreading the added worry, the diet (in conjunction with my celiac diet, eek), and the increased chance of a csection, which I don't need with the doc already telling me it is likely. Ugh.

Anyway, that is about the only stuff I have to update on for now. Terribly boring, I know. I will try to post later this week with some pics and stuff. My HUGE belly and my beautiful girl and maybe a few puppy pics....

Quick belly pic and update

Things here are going great. I am getting huge. Today is 23 weeks! One more week until the first major viability milestone, but things are looking good. I am still swimming about 25 laps once or twice a week and taking a prenatal water fitness class once a week. Oh, and my major exercise is chasing a very active toddler around...and it is exhausting! The girls are moving constantly, which is great, and makes me remember how much I loved being pregnant with Teagan. For now, I am still pretty comfy, though my sides and ribs are a little sore from growing so fast. Here is a pic taken at just over 22 weeks, on my way to teach my last yoga class:

And, for good measure, a pic of my beautiful little girl in her bathing suit, which she loves. It is hard to find appropriate little girl clothes (according to me, I realize this is a very subjective comment), but everything is very suggestive, even for baby girls, so this is a cute one piece we found that she loves...


And, a quick picture of our big, male boxer leaping in the spray from our froggy pool, moments before he landed on it and killed it:

GIRLS!

Yup, its confirmed as TWO GIRLS! Eeek, my poor hubby is going to be woefully outnumbered. But, they are beautiful. Everything looked great. They are measuring 9oz and 10oz, right on track, and were laying head to head and foot to foot....I'll post some pics. Just adorable. And, my cervix is at 4.2! So, no restrictions yet! Things are going great!

2 heads together, plotting against us already:

A pile of feet:

Beautiful profile of baby A....baby B hid her face (boo) but we get a second ultrasound in 2 weeks as a result (yay!):

I am HUGE!!!

I love that kid's smile! check out those pearly whites! Okay, so she was making a whacky smile, but it gives you an idea of her personality:-)

Today we should hopefully find out the sexes of my babies! I am so excited! there have been hints (as many of you know) that we have 2 girls, but I am really not sure. Hopefully, they cooperate!

On a different note, here is a quick (and horribly ugly...) belly pic taken on friday...just under 19 weeks pregnant.

Quick post...more later

Its been forever. My daughter is exhausting! She is amazing, beautiful, loving and funny...but so so tiring! She is one of those kids that just runs constantly. Nothing stops her until she literally passes out. Its nuts! but, she's hilarious and adorable and I have some cute pics I will have to post soon.

I am doing great. 16 weeks with twins and I look like I did when I was 30 weeks pregnant with Teagan. Its hilarious. Not only do you get bigger on your second pregnancy, but its twins! But, I've been doing really well so far. Nothing new at all to report. I can't believe I have nothing really to say. I have another 2 weeks until my anatomy scan, which I am dying for. The NT scan ultrasound tech was willing to guess at gender and it looks like Baby A is definitely a girl and Baby B is maybe 60% girl, its hard to tell so early...they say that if you see a penis, you are having a boy but if you don't see one that early, you just don't know what you are having (genitals aren't fully formed yet at that stage, so you can't be sure). So, we are guessing 2 girls but really not sure...deep down, I am absolutely unsure...and dying to find out.

More later...

Urgent care and uterine entrapment

Things have been progressing nicely...I know, I've been a bad bad blogger. But, in my defense, I am EXHAUSTED and a little nauseous still. The nausea has gotten better but is still there once in a while, however, the exhaustion...wow. I'm TIRED. And, I have a delightful and very energetic 14 month old to chase around, so I'm pooped and barely have time to check on everyone else, let alone write a post...but this last week warrants a real blog entry.

Friday morning I woke up at 3 am and had to pee something awful...and couldn't. Not for the life of me. I know this isn't entirely unusual in pregnancy with women who have a tipped uterus since I had a little bit of this with my daughter...at about 18 weeks. So, I sat there and wiggled around, leaned forward, leaned back, etc.....nothing. Okay, back to bed. Maybe next time. I tried repeatedly until 6 am when I got the faintest of half hearted trickles. And then nothing again. So, knowing this is likely the same thing I had before, when the uterus is stretched enough that it is taking over the entire pelvic cavity (happens sooner with twins...about 11 weeks I guess), and if you have tipped uterus, it gets kind of stuck there for a while, pushes on your bladder and...um...closes your urethra. So, Brett went to work, I went to the pool to see if swimming can make my uterus move. It didn't. Nothing...then a slight trickle when I tried as hard as I could. Around noon, I was desperate and called my OB who was closed but I did the emergency line and he called back. He told me to try a few positions but that the trickle I am experiencing is not the stuff from my bladder but rather overflow b/c my bladder is totally full. He suggested I try to get on my knees and chest for a few minutes and then try again. If that doesn't work, its off to urgent care for catherization. He said to avoid the actual emergency room because they will leave me waiting too long and this is getting critical. At 3 pm (12 hours after it started) I finally made it to urgent care, totally mortified, and had to be catherized. They were amazed at how much my bladder held. So, it was emptied. RELIEF. Then I was told that in order not to have to go back to urgent care, I have to pee every 2 hours at least...even setting a timer at night. Apparently, if I sleep through one needed pee break, my bladder might overfill and get stuck again....so the weekend went by. I was mostly able to pee (if I leaned forward and lifted up my belly) and sometimes, not so much. But, I got through it...and I am exhausted. So so tired. I was also scared b/c I did the google search and heard that most cases eventually correct themselves but some extreme cases can get stuck and can cause miscarriage. So, first thing this morning, I made an appointment with the OB to discuss. She said that there is no way this will cause miscarriage, my babies are fine, but she is glad I came in. We talked...this should be over by the end of the week, hopefully and then she gave me a quick ultrasound, which was incredible of her. She knew I was worried. The babies were doing great. They were stacked on top of each other like in bunk beds and baby a on the bottom was rocking out and going nuts in there and baby b was snoozing away. It was wonderful. So, now no worries about miscarriage and I can handle the discomfort until it gets better...but what a weekend!

Besides that, Easter was great...though filled with some worry. Teagan had her first family egg hunt...the church one is next weekend. I have some great pictures but am too lazy to upload today:-) I will do it this week though b/c she is a sight to see in her cute little easter dress!

The twins and their big sis

So, we had another ultrasound on Wednesday. This time with the OB, who I am immediately leaving and finding another doctor ASAP. The ultrasound went well...the big baby in front is baby A who is very clear and more towards the front in my very tipped to the back uterus. The baby to the right (blurry) is baby B. Aren't they cute? They are right on top of each other already but both have nice big mansions for the moment:-)

The OB appointment went down hill from there. I only saw the nurse practitioner...we waited an hour to be seen, found out I've been assigned to the NP and not likely to see the doctor at all anymore, she didn't ask me any history questions or if I am on any meds, did my pap and pelvic exam and couldn't get to my cervix (this has NEVER happened before). She proceded to dig around for 10 minutes with the metal speculum looking for it, until I sat up and told her to stop, but, luckily, by then, she had gotten the pap b/c I was close to telling her to get the hell away from me with her metal torture devices. She actually had the nerve to suggest that I was deformed down there (Are you a DES baby?) b/c she couldn't do what doctors and nurses have been doing for YEARS (I mean, come on people, I did infertility, EVERYONE has had a hand down there). Not to mention, my daughter was held in by that cervix and then birthed through it so I'm sure it exists and it works properly! It was awful. She was weird about prescribing prenatal vitamins but then asked me about nausea as she reached for her pad to write me an anti nausea script! I was like, yes, I'm sick but I am doing ok, but can I get a prenatal, please! I left with no prescriptions. Anyway, I already found another doc and have an appt in 2 weeks. Ugh.

On another note, we got some cute pics of Teagan done for her first birthday...I"ll put one here. She is the sweetest, cutest, most loving thing. Lately, she's started dancing in circles in the family room...its so cute, I'm dying to get it on tape but she is such a ham that as soon as she sees the phone or camera, she smiles and runs for it and I don't get any dancing on film!

Adjusting and getting excited

So, I am adjusting to the idea of twins. I always knew there was a pretty good chance it could happen and, to be honest, some of you might recall me crying because the embryo we transferred with Teagan didn't make it. Its not that I actually always wanted twins, its just that we transferred 2 healthy embryos and deep down, I wanted them both to make it. This transfer, I kind of felt the same way but I was pretty sure only one would make it...and, I loved being pregnant with one and not worrying too much about preterm labor, or exercising, or weight gain, or likely NICU time or how to breastfeed 2 babies....So, those were really my concerns. I've seen women do amazing carrying twins and I've seen women on bedrest forever and a close friend gave birth to twins at 28.5 weeks. However, I've done my research and I am more comfortable that I can hold them until they are ready and I can take it really easy so that they are safe and protected and grow. I've since learned that I have to gain at least 40 pounds, most of which I should start putting on soon. I have to cut down a lot of my exercise, which is fine, I'd do anything for them. I also have a better chance of carrying them past 35 weeks simply because I've been pregnant before. And, I keep thinking, Teagan stayed in to almost 42 weeks, so would that maybe indicate I might be okay at it???? Besides that, I know I can breastfeed two. Despite not being very well-endowed in that department, I made more than enough milk for Teagan so, as long as I can get a system down, it is doable. Now, I just have to make sure my doctor is a good doctor for twins, otherwise I'll have to change offices. We have to buy a minivan! We have to refinish the basement and clear up the room we are using as our office to make a new bedroom! Lots of stuff...and I am all over the place..but you see how I've been thinking. About Teagan, you are all right. If I am this worried about it now, Brett and I are going to go out of our way to make her feel special and she will just hopefully learn to enjoy being a big sister to 2 little ones. Right now, she is just so loving towards babies that I am feeling hopeful. She loves to kiss babies all of a sudden - pictures of babies, her little cousin, the baby doll that we had to get the dogs ready for a baby in the house. You name it, its a baby, she kisses it and snuggles it. I actually caught her pulling up the baby doll's shirt and kissing her belly! (okay, so she was mimicking mom, but it was so cute I wanted to cry!). I am 8 weeks now and have a sonogram with my old OB on Wednesday. If I think he will do a good job with twins, I'll stay, if not, I am looking for a new one. As some of you recall, I don't have great loyalty to this OB specifically, since he didn't even make it to Teagan's birth (and I was induced), so I am on the fence about him already. I've been reading the Barbara Luke twins book and taking her advice so we'll see how that goes. I also started cutting down on the PIO this week and the vivelle patches, so hopefully that trend will continue come Thursday's blood test. In the meantime, I am extremely nauseous, have a pretty bad cold and am completely exhausted. But, I am getting excited:-) Ugh, and yes this post was a mess but I have to run and wanted to get it up...however, I did format it and have no idea why it lumped together like that in some weird chain-of-thought paragraph! But, I suppose it is fitting...

My cup runeth over

So, you probably guessed it. Its twins! We saw two little sacs, two little fetal poles, and two little heartbeats today. I am a little in shock, excited, freaked out, worried about my little girl and how this is all going to affect her, you name it. I really thought it was one! Really really! So, I have a lot of things to think about.

Unfortunately, I talked to a friend who has 11 month old twins and she scared me to death. She said Teagan will never be just Teagan again, now she will be just the twins' sister. She said that everyone will look past her to see the twins and ignore her. I was close to crying. Then she told me I will be so sick in the first trimester that I won't be able to chase after Teagan and then I'll be so tired in the third trimester that again I won't be able to chase after Teagan. I tried to get off the phone...why say such things now? So, I am trying to be rational and excited. I know this isn't easy but we've been blessed! 2 babies!!!!

Anyway, still early and lots of hurdles but there it is...

Soon to be a big sis:

Second beta

is 660! So, so far, so good. I am still guessing a singleton, which would be perfect (but twins would be wonderful too). It is a big beta increase (doubling time a little over 33 hours) but my betas with my last successful cycle weren't much lower, 214 and 577. So, I'm guessing one perfect strong little bean!

My first ultrasound will be in a little over 2 weeks, so I'll update on this then. In the meantime, hopefully I get a few minutes to post some cute pics of my little girl or tell some cute stories b/c she is just a riot lately, but we'll see. Things are crazy here.

beta is in

It is 244! It is 10 days past transfer. On the same days after transfer, with Teagan, it was 214. So, I am guessing a singleton but it could go either way.

More later....its been a hectic weekend and crazy day...and not in a good way (though this is the good news, so its bad things are being tempered by good news, I guess). Ugh.

Couldn't hold out!

Not that I tried to hold out from POASing...I was trying not to post here because we were trying to keep our business secret from family and a few friends. But, the truth is, that just isn't our reality. Everyone knows we went to Colorado and we have family in town this weekend, so somehow or other, they are going to notice that I'm not drinking a glass of wine or not picking up something heavy, etc...so the jig is up. They still don't know...but I've wanted to post this since Wednesday since you guys have been here for me for about 3 years, if not more! So, on 4dp6dt, towards the end of the day, I saw a mirage of a line. I rationalized it. I mean, transfer was at 3:30 NY time, so really it was barely 4dp6dt, right? So, a mirage? maybe? Then the next day, a darker line....darker still, until this morning (yes, I should have just bought a case of the things), the positive pregnancy line is officially wayyyy darker than the test line!!!! Today is supposed to be beta day but no clinic here is open on Sunday so I go in tomorrow. We are excited...though its been dampened a little by a horrible bug going around here...

I wrote about Teagan's vomiting, I think. Tuesday she was getting better but then diarrhea started again (I say again, b/c we had 8 days straight of this prior to leaving for CO), and she's had a bad belly since then....then Thursday night, Brett got violently ill. I got mildly ill...but since I was the best off, I had to take care of everything in the house (which is fine, I'm glad someone was relatively ok) though I stressed to death all day that I had super-early morning sickness that then mysteriously disappeared yesterday (um, it was the stomach flu, silly, I just didn't get it THAT bad, Thank God). So, all day Friday was shot, and we had to cancel Teagan's first birthday party which was planned for yesterday, I was so bummed. We are rescheduling it for next week...but I think she's going to e 13 months by the time she has her first party, lol, not that she knows the difference. But, with all this overshadowing things, we haven't had the chance to really feel excited and happy yet. Though, I feel content. I think today everyone is on the upswing and I have my beta first thing tomorrow....so, things are looking up!

I can't believe my little one is going to have a sibling (or two!). I know we still have A LOT of hurdles to get over...but, for now, I'm going to feel good about this!

4dp6dt?

I think its considered a 6 day transfer, right? I mean, it took to 6 days for my little embies to make it to testing...and then they thawed 2 of the sweet little things on Friday, they expanded 100% beautifully and we transferred them. I didn't get to see them, unfortunately, since we had the incubator that didn't have a screen but the way Brett and everyone else described them to me, they sounded just like my last CCRM transfer...one was a figure 8 (almost completely hatched) and the other was just starting to emerge from the shell. Sounds like an exact match to last cycle...so lets hope that we are as successful, right?

We had a great trip. Teagan did great on the flights, the hotel was nice, transfer went well, it was incredibly hard to stay on bedrest and let Brett do everything, and tell little baby girl that mommy is stuck in bed (but what a joy, right?). Anyway, it went. We stayed an extra day, bought some cute baby clothes for T at the local, big, beautiful, expensive mall and headed out yesterday. Overnight, Teagan came up with something with an incredibly bad night of vomiting. And, again this morning, but so far today, she has finally been able to keep down a couple of rice crackers and a couple of sips of water. That's it for now. Poor baby girl is hungry and not feeling great, though when her little belly is empty she is still laughing and walking and chasing the dogs, but then she gets hungry and I have to be careful how much she eats and drinks until I know she can keep something down. Its hard!

Okay, on to the 2WW stuff. I thought it would be easier and I know it is, but it still sucks. I'm not nearly as over the top as I've been in the past. But, I'm stressed. I won't be absolutely crushed if this didn't work but I always thought that if I had just one successful IVF and pregnancy that if I chose to do it again, I'd be so confident of it working that I would just go about my business. Not so. I'm almost convinced it didn't work. I mean, I still have that almost 70% chance of success, right? No more, no less. That's good odds. But, I don't know...maybe all of my old fears are haunting me. Either way, in reality, I have my miracle and she is so amazing, so I'm okay. I'm just trying to not get all wrapped up in this drama again but it is hard.

Too cute

Coming next time...pictures of my poor big boxer boy wearing the cone of shame. Poor guy got a rash and, consequently, a big Elizabethan collar to wear...he is knocking Teagan ass over teakettle at least 4 times a day.

The broken toe

So, a few weeks ago I broke a toe. To me, it seemed to be a traumatic injury...after all, I stub my toes all the time and they never break. Well, this time, I hit it just right on a metal dive board at the YMCA pool, and it hurt. Really really hurt. When I got home, it was moving in a way a toe shouldn't really move, so I iced it and decided to go to the doctor. It turned out that I broke my 4th metatarsal...basically my toe next to my pinky toe but in the foot, not the toe part itself. Well, they gave me a boot and crutches and made me an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. He told me I could tape it and that it was a clean and should heal well...but he said it was a non-traumatic injury and I should get a bone density scan. Fast forward a few weeks and I got a scan and went in Friday for my results. Ominous, no? I thought so. Usually my awful primary care doctor just sends a letter with results, even if they aren't great. Anyway, it turns out that I have osteopenia! My spine bone density results were normal but my femoral (the hip) measurements weren't great. I have mild to moderate osteopenia at 36! Ugh. Of course, I have some risk factors, I do take inhaled steroids, have thyroid disease, undiagnosed celiac disease for years and have taken course after course of lupron and rarely, oral steroids. So, there you have it. It was somewhat shocking since I am very active. I run, swim, do yoga 3 - 5X a week, etc. I don't have small bones and am not underweight. I am still a little shocked.

I am still going ahead with the transfer. For now, my doctor wants me to start calcium and vitamin D. She is sending me to a digestive doc to discuss the gluten issues and a nutritionist to make sure I am eating well (I am a pretty healthy eater, but what do I know?). I also don't know if my bones are always like this or if this is actual bone LOSS, as they suggest, since it is my only test, we don't know if I've had better bones or not. Its kind of a weird test and a weird result. Nonetheless, here I am. Part of the reason I am writing this is so that any of the rest of you who have done multiple IVFs and any of you that do depot lupron, and/or have thyroid issues (there are lots of you!) start calcium and vitamin D asap. They didn't tell me to do this and I wish they had. In some way, its probably a good thing that I broke a toe...at least now I can try to prevent my bones from getting worse...though I'm still dumbfounded.

Bad Blogger!!!

I know, I've been bad. I haven't posted. Haven't updated. No new pics. I'm just busy. Not just busy being a mom but busy getting ready for this crazy transfer. I go back and forth on whether or not it is incredibly stressful (duh, it is). I go back and forth on how I feel about it overall. I really want siblings for my daughter but worry about her having to share things (which I know in my head will be a good lesson for her, but in my heart I am nervous about). I would be excited to be pregnant but I'm nervous about the restrictions on my physical activities, at least in the first trimester, and how that will impact my little girl. I am, most of all, nervous that my pregnancy was a complete fluke and I won't be able to have more children. In theory, I am okay with this...we have our miracle and she is amazing...seriously, amazing. However, I am literally scared to death of the idea of a BFN...all those memories of BFNs are there in my head, stressing me out. DH and I have gone over all that we did differently last time...did we do acupuncture? did I do bedrest longer? what else? but, really, we did CGH, right? We only transferred 2, right? There you are....the rest is a mystery. We have a good chance...so we are going for it.

On that note, I started lupron a week ago and am waiting for AF. I am not sure how much of this cycle I will be documenting on here b/c to be honest, I'm kind of pretending its not happening. I am unlikely to even post whether it is a BFN or a BFP right away b/c the reality of it all is freaking me out. Also, I have a lot of friends and family that read this blog and, this time, I may not want everyone to know if we are successful or not right away (after all, I don't get to ask them every time after they had "marital relations" if they are pregnant, so why is my reproductive life such a spectacle? I know, because I made it one, I get it...I'm just all of a sudden pissy about this). Instead, I am concentrating on my daughter's one year birthday...which is just weeks away!!!

I will post more at another time. Hoepfully some cute pics. For now, my little one is asleep with some baby tylenol and antibiotics in her little system since she has a really bad and very painful ear infection. I am exhausted from staying up last night with her and cranky from a lupron headache...so I am off to hit the couch and cuddle up with hubby.

She's walking!

I'll have to let that video speak for itself! She is actually a toddler now and is letting go of everything to walk. Her choice...though she was doing it so much I made Brett get up and get the camera at which point, you get this video. It kinda scares me though b/c I want to keep her on highly padded carpet since she has no qualms about standing up, letting go, walking a few steps and then falling wherever she is. Padding is nice:-)

This one is cute. She is trying to play peek a boo with our dog, Harley, who is totally missing the point.

transfer date set

I was going to post all about Teagan's first Christmas but that will have to wait. It seems my ideas as to blogposts tend to get so lofty that there is no way I can get them done in the 10 minutes I have when she just goes down for a nap...so here is a quick post about nothing and everything...

The transfer date is February 25. Literally, 2 days after T's birthday! I am definitely going to do the PIO - I would just be too scared to do the supps, even though they are thought to be "easier", I seem to trust the PIO better. I am also going to transfer two. eek. My RE suggests 2 because we transferred 2 to have Teagan and he thinks with my history, it is smart. We agree. However, he said to get used to the idea of possibly having twins. Ugh. So, that would be 3 in diapers. Scary to say the least. And, no, we won't have a nanny nor lots of help, and I will insist on breastfeeding exclusively for as long as it is possible (it is just my way, unless I have a nervous breakdown or someone talks some sense into me, probably). So, I'm kind of scared of this, but not nearly as scared as I am of not getting pregnant from this transfer and all the old self-doubt starting up again. We can't afford another transfer for a LOOOONG time, so this is it and I hope it works. If it works too good (and you all know that once I transfer 2, I'll pray for both to stick around, I can't seem to help myself...and if only one implants, I'll honestly cry tears of sadness, so I'm probably just insane). In any event, I would look forward to being pregnant again and possibly being able to give my baby a sibling...but we don't know if my last pregnancy was a fluke or if I can really do this thing:-) But, all around, no complaints....we have an absolutely perfect daughter.

On the self-doubt issue, we are likely to push off T's birthday celebration to March 5 th, I think, so we can have more family around, but how scary is it that I will know that same weekend whether the transfer worked? I think it is doable because I will always be happy to celebrate my daughter's birthday no matter what the result is...my only thought is that houseguests are probably a bad idea...b/c I'll be a ball of stress and possibly, sadness, you know? So, I was hoping to celebrate it earlier, like the Saturday before transfer, but it seems that the later week works much better, so there it is.

I'll have to write more at a future time. For now, I am nervous and excited and stressed all at once. The holidays were great but pretty stressful. Teagan got a lot of beautiful gifts and loved all of them...and the tree! She couldn't keep her eyes off the tree. She is also starting to walk....in fact, just before Christmas, she let go of the coffee table and took about 3-4 steps to me!!! She has been doing that pretty regularly on her own, so she's been in constant motion. Its incredibly fun but exhausting:-) More later...