I haven't really said much about this pregnancy and I do feel a little bad. I have been getting excited and getting ready...the nursery is ready, I will take a pic today and post ASAP. We bought a couple of preemie outfits to take them home in just in case they come early...and even if they don't, since Teagan was little at almost 42 weeks and I am guessing that any babies of ours that come earlier than that will be little. We have been doing everything to get ready...I've been nesting like crazy (aka, trying to clean but it is so hard for me to get down and clean and organize the things I want, oh...and...SHOPPING). I just haven't posted about any of this. Its not just that I am busy. I know it makes it seem like I am not excited...but I am. I am so excited to see two tiny little peanuts, to hold them and introduce them to their big sister. The issue is that it is so much harder the second time around! I constantly worry about how Teagan is going to feel. She is such a loving, open, confident baby that I am worried about her feeling replaced or pushed aside. Another obsession of mine this entire time has been how we are going to arrange everyone who wants to visit in the first few weeks. My mom is here for T when I am giving birth and when Brett needs to be with me, but then my MIL has offered to come in too (though we aren't sure when this will be since I am hoping to go into labor naturally). Then we've had lots of offers of people "taking Teagan off our hands" in the first few weeks and I am trying to find a way to nicely tell people that I want her with us. She is already going to be feeling like she is on rocky ground with two new babies in the house and then people are going to take her somewhere else (away from us?)? I'm afraid she will really feel replaced. So, I am finally figuring this all out and getting stronger about it. My thoughts are that we don't want house guests in the first 2 weeks. Brett will be home with me and, between us, we need to work out a schedule that is doable before he goes back to work. After that, people can come and visit but Teagan is only going out for regularly scheduled activities and maybe (maybe!) a short trip somewhere (if she wants to go). Regularly scheduled activities are her pool classes and her parent/child gym classes at the Y or our church playgroup. Besides that, I want her here, being a part of the family, getting love from everyone who is willing to give it HERE. I'm putting my foot down. And, finally, I am starting to breathe again. Truthfully, this has literally been obsessing me for 2/3 of this pregnancy and it really isn't fair b/c I want to just enjoy it and I spend so much time trying to figure out what I think is best for everyone and then feeling like I am being railroaded into something else.
This probably seems petty but here is the truth. Everyone wants to be there when the babies get home, right? So, you have the entire family there, ooohing and aaaahing and helping out, then your hubby goes back to work, everyone leaves and you are left with babies that aren't on a schedule, all alone, with, hopefully, a few frozen casseroles left in the freezer from the church family. Panic hits. I have not experienced this since we put our foot down last time too...but I have friends who have had really really hard times.
The other issues is...I am planning to breastfeed twins. If you've ever had even one baby home in the first few weeks breastfeeding, you know that modesty is out the window. You are figuring things out and the babies' feeding comes FIRST. Now double that. There is no hooter hider on earth that is going to help me stay modest while feeding 2. So, I just have to whip them out and feed...maybe after they get on a schedule (oh, about 2 weeks...?), I will be able to get away to another room and feed while company entertains Teagan...but there it is....another reason for us to have 2 weeks as a family.
Crazy that this has been bothering me so much, maybe. I expect T to do well for the transition but I don't expect her to be a "little mommy" as a lot of people have said. She is going to be a precocious little beautiful toddler who wants mommy's lap and attention and will have to adjust to having 2 new siblings in the house. But, I want her to feel and react however is natural to her and still feel loved and appreciated. It is going to be a balancing act.
SO...that is what I've been up to. I haven't really wanted to put it into words b/c I was worried that it would seem like I was ungrateful. I am not. I am extremely excited and feel incredibly blessed that we have two little ones on the way and that we have such wonderful family and friends who want to help us out. I can't even express that in words. Teagan will be a big sis and will have family to complain to about her parents and life, even if we aren't around...which is beautiful to me. There will be fights but I am also looking forward to three little girls, 2 boxers, 1 chihuahua and mom and dad crammed into a messy bed on Sunday morning!
Besides that, I haven't documented that I have changed OB's once and then back to my old one (the one that missed T's birth even though I was induced) b/c the practice I changed to acted like I was asking for a home birth when I asked if we could try a vaginal birth if they presented right (well, that was one of the reasons). I haven't documented that they are getting stronger and stronger and kicking me constantly...and strongly! I can actually see the movements and, once in a while, I get a big tushy sticking out and have to gently push it back in, for which I get kicked! I also haven't documented that Teagan has been adorable and pulls my shirt up, says "babies!!!" and then kisses my belly button...even though, I know she doesn't understand it in reality AT ALL...it is adorable and was totally unexpected. So, I've missed a lot but, thus far, its been beautiful and relatively easy. I am getting huge. Today is 30w4d and I have a growth ultrasound and OB appt, but I am guessing (and hoping and praying) that all is well. I will update soon:-)