I know, I've been bad. I haven't posted. Haven't updated. No new pics. I'm just busy. Not just busy being a mom but busy getting ready for this crazy transfer. I go back and forth on whether or not it is incredibly stressful (duh, it is). I go back and forth on how I feel about it overall. I really want siblings for my daughter but worry about her having to share things (which I know in my head will be a good lesson for her, but in my heart I am nervous about). I would be excited to be pregnant but I'm nervous about the restrictions on my physical activities, at least in the first trimester, and how that will impact my little girl. I am, most of all, nervous that my pregnancy was a complete fluke and I won't be able to have more children. In theory, I am okay with this...we have our miracle and she is amazing...seriously, amazing. However, I am literally scared to death of the idea of a BFN...all those memories of BFNs are there in my head, stressing me out. DH and I have gone over all that we did differently last time...did we do acupuncture? did I do bedrest longer? what else? but, really, we did CGH, right? We only transferred 2, right? There you are....the rest is a mystery. We have a good chance...so we are going for it.
On that note, I started lupron a week ago and am waiting for AF. I am not sure how much of this cycle I will be documenting on here b/c to be honest, I'm kind of pretending its not happening. I am unlikely to even post whether it is a BFN or a BFP right away b/c the reality of it all is freaking me out. Also, I have a lot of friends and family that read this blog and, this time, I may not want everyone to know if we are successful or not right away (after all, I don't get to ask them every time after they had "marital relations" if they are pregnant, so why is my reproductive life such a spectacle? I know, because I made it one, I get it...I'm just all of a sudden pissy about this). Instead, I am concentrating on my daughter's one year birthday...which is just weeks away!!!
I will post more at another time. Hoepfully some cute pics. For now, my little one is asleep with some baby tylenol and antibiotics in her little system since she has a really bad and very painful ear infection. I am exhausted from staying up last night with her and cranky from a lupron headache...so I am off to hit the couch and cuddle up with hubby.