Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Bad Blogger!!!

I know, I've been bad. I haven't posted. Haven't updated. No new pics. I'm just busy. Not just busy being a mom but busy getting ready for this crazy transfer. I go back and forth on whether or not it is incredibly stressful (duh, it is). I go back and forth on how I feel about it overall. I really want siblings for my daughter but worry about her having to share things (which I know in my head will be a good lesson for her, but in my heart I am nervous about). I would be excited to be pregnant but I'm nervous about the restrictions on my physical activities, at least in the first trimester, and how that will impact my little girl. I am, most of all, nervous that my pregnancy was a complete fluke and I won't be able to have more children. In theory, I am okay with this...we have our miracle and she is amazing...seriously, amazing. However, I am literally scared to death of the idea of a BFN...all those memories of BFNs are there in my head, stressing me out. DH and I have gone over all that we did differently last time...did we do acupuncture? did I do bedrest longer? what else? but, really, we did CGH, right? We only transferred 2, right? There you are....the rest is a mystery. We have a good chance...so we are going for it.

On that note, I started lupron a week ago and am waiting for AF. I am not sure how much of this cycle I will be documenting on here b/c to be honest, I'm kind of pretending its not happening. I am unlikely to even post whether it is a BFN or a BFP right away b/c the reality of it all is freaking me out. Also, I have a lot of friends and family that read this blog and, this time, I may not want everyone to know if we are successful or not right away (after all, I don't get to ask them every time after they had "marital relations" if they are pregnant, so why is my reproductive life such a spectacle? I know, because I made it one, I get it...I'm just all of a sudden pissy about this). Instead, I am concentrating on my daughter's one year birthday...which is just weeks away!!!

I will post more at another time. Hoepfully some cute pics. For now, my little one is asleep with some baby tylenol and antibiotics in her little system since she has a really bad and very painful ear infection. I am exhausted from staying up last night with her and cranky from a lupron headache...so I am off to hit the couch and cuddle up with hubby.


MyTwoLines said...

I know those memories of previous BFNs are hard to shake but you certainly have so many more things in your favor this time--even more than last time because now you have had a successful pregnancy. Wishing you the best of luck!

Hope in Virginia said...

Regardless of whether you post, I'll be thinking about you during this very stressful time and hoping for peace and calm in your life.

Brice Barnes said...

I am so relieved to read your blog. I have the same exact feelings as you do, it is hard when you have one angel and want another one but all these questions come up. It is so different if you "just get preggo" because you don't have time to second guess you just have to get on board! Good Luck this cycle!

Linda said...

I am so excited for you! I really am! I can't believe it's almost transfer time for you. It just seemed that we were talking about it on facebook, about cycling with you again. And now the time is almost here for your transfer! I wish you the best of luck and hope for the best for you. :)
PS. Hope your lil one feels better soon.