I am officially gluten free now. And, strangely, I feel better. It turns out that I did already know I had a sensitivity to gluten - found out a few years ago when I was turning 30 and subletting a small Vermont apartment while I studied for the bar (DH was stationed in Korea at the time). My mom gave me some low-carb cereal and I was sick for days. As soon as I stopped eating the cereal, I got better. The second ingredient was gluten. So, I've known. What I didn't know was that gluten insensitivity and celiac disease goes along with unexplained infertility, thyroid disorders, endometriosis, IBS, recurrent miscarriage and a number of other small indicators, ALL OF WHICH I HAVE. So, I decided to start cutting it down. And I feel better. Then I accidentally ate some the other day (in a veggie burger, who'd have thought to look?), and I was sick again with belly pain. So, I'm going to try totally gluten free for a while at least (hopefully a little over 9 months, lol). Its not easy. I love multigrain breads and, yes, cakes and cookies. But, if this will help me, I am all for it. I'm hoping it explains some of the infertility stuff. But, if not, at least I am being healthy. I know a lot of people will say that I should test for it before I make such a drastic change, but it isn't all that drastic. I don't eat many carbs anyway...and I'm supplementing my iron, folic acid, and vitamins by eating super-healthy and making sure I am eating foods rich in the nutrients that I am missing from gluten - including fiber. Also- testing requires A LOT of tests and you have to eat gluten the entire time so that your body is in reaction to it when they test and I don't want to wait another 6 months just to have them tell me that I am sensitive to it, or celiac, or whatever. All I know is that when I eat it I feel yucky and when I don't , I'm fine.
Besides that, I am going today for Mayan Abdominal Massage. I am just doing one session to see what it is about but I've heard great things about it from other women. Brett was suggesting I get a massage - he meant the conventional kind- which I never do (have had a massage 2x in my life- about as many times as I've had a professional pedicure, isn't that sad? lol) because I have been so stressed lately and my back has been hurting. But it occurred to me that (this is strange but my primary care doctor agreed with it) my IBS is actually causing pressure on the lower back which is what is causing pain. I also have a very tilted uterus. Since these are both things that can be helped by abdominal massage, I thought, sure, I'll get a massage. I wanted to ask Lisa (from The Wa.yward Stor.k) about it because she is the only other person I know who has done it (pre-successful IVF, I might add) but we all know she has literally disappeared off the face of the IF internet since her BFP. So, has anyone else done it? what did you think? I'll be sure to do a write-up tomorrow.
In the meantime, I've actually GONE to a few yoga classes lately. Even though I don't love the studio here, there really is something nice about going and having someone else teach. I get tired and in a rut with my own practice so it is nice to shake it up. Every time I do a "drop in" (they don't usually allow drop ins here but will do so if you are registered teacher) I end up in the pregnant teacher's class. She is now showing beautifully. She is having a girl, has a name picked out, etc. And I'm okay with it. Lol. I did alright. both times. Of course, I keep hoping I'll drop in on another teacher, but they don't list the teachers on the schedule so I always get her. oh well.
I also had to go to the dreaded babies r us the other day for a shower gift for my neighbor. She is the one I mentioned weeks ago that is having a little boy with spina bifida. This is the first time I've been in that store since the miscarraige - Brett and I were in there a few times when I was pregnant just to get excited and look at the things we will need. So, it was hard to go back in...but I did okay because I had a mission. We got some cute stuff for her and a little gift for another friend of mine. I did get a little teary because most of the time I don't think about the m/c at all...almost like it never happened. This is probably a defense mechanism on my part. So, going in there reminded me how excited we were and that I did have a life growing inside of me at one point. I still hope I will again.
I am still running a little. I'm not sure if this is a bad thing before a FET? During my first cycle at CCRM they said I can continue with whatever I ususally do until I start feeling bloated from the stims. I asked, even if I run a little? they said, sure. So I assume I am fine to keep running until transfer then, right? so long as it is in moderation? Oh -I have no idea. Does anyone have any suggestions? I just feel better when I exercise. I de-stress. I've also stopped any and all alcoholic beverages since this weekend (DH and I had to celebrate the 2 normals with a nice fire in the backyard pit and a bottle of champagne).
Finally- great book suggestions everyone! I've ordered a few from online discount book stores! The funny thing is that many of your suggestions I've already read but forgot to mention - the Eragon books, The Diana Gabaldon series, and Sophie Kinsella's - so you totally got what I was thinking:-) I just feel like I have enough of my own angst lately to enjoy reading someone else's!
(by the way, I am so freaking nervous about this FET- I mean, what if I do get pregnant and m/c again? this time with a normal embryo? then what? Its like I am terrified that my uterus is a black hole where anything that goes in, disappears or dies. or- what if it doesn't work? what the hell does that mean? What do we do then? I'm trying to not think about it- but I really am scared.)