Tuesday, March 3, 2009

not what I was hoping for

We finally got our 5 day report. They called at about 5:30 EST and talked to Brett. Today we have 2 fully expanded blastocysts that they are going to biopsy and freeze. There are 2 more that are considered "early blasts" that the embryologists is pretty sure will be fully expanded tomorrow and will be biopsied and frozen. On top of that, we have 1 compacting and 1 morula, which may catch up, but may not. The other six were not likely to make it to be biopsied. The embryologists says we will get 4 (eeek.) but we may get up to 6. Brett asked about those last 6, wondering if there was a chance that they can make it to blast - he said it is possible but not probable. Then Brett said, "have you actually seen it" and he said "oh, yes, definitely". Which was us desperately looking for hope. For now, I'm not too encouraged. Actually, feel kind of crushed. Doesn't it feel like that compacting morula and morula should be good to go tomorrow too? Why do you think he is so pessimistic? is he playing it safe or are they poorly graded? Brett was smart enough to ask if any of them arrested and so far, no, all 12 are still growing, but we may only have FOUR to send for testing (plus the 2 frozen we had) - which just sucks. I guess I do have DOR....what else can I think? not at all happy...I just don't get it. So, now I have to wait...my guess is that I will hear very late tomorrow. I mean, what are the chances of getting any normals with that?

Also - in the past, at my local clinic, I'd get maybe 8 eggs, but on day 5, I'd have 3 blasts and a morula to transfer, so I seem to have done better locally even though CCRM has the best lab in the country! Could my fertility have declined that fast (less than a year)? It is so horribly disappointing....and I am praying that things turn around tomorrow...but I'm kind of upset.

11 comments:

Fashionably Infertile said...

Oh Sweetie...I don't know what to say. We should just keep the faith for the rest of your lil embryos. They sound strong and promising. Seriously!!! No matter what ..you will have NORMAL ones to transfer this spring. I will check in with you tomorrow. Hang on tight. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Don't lose hope at all. Remember, with the blast biopsy (as opposed to the polar body on day 1) if you get even one normal CCRM has been saying they are getting an 80% pregnancy rate. Keep your chin up. Odds are that you'll get at least 1or 2 normals, possibly more, and then you can look forward to that 80% rate! I know it's disappointing but you may still come out of this cycle with a bfp. I'm in week 3 of the wait for microarray results (for PB biopsy) so know what you're going through. I'm sending you positive vibes!

DAVs said...

You know, I still think this is a good report. I know it is not the numbers you were hoping for, but if you end up with six or seven to test that will surely yield a couple of normals, if not more. I know it's hard to feel Pollyanna full of hope right now, so let me have it for you, ok? Treat yourself good. You did everything you could.

Kris said...

I know it is so disappointing, but the good thing with CGH biopsy is that even if you get 1 or 2 normals, they are NORMAL. Meaning you know have great chances of them implanting and growing. It is no longer a guessing game of what you are transferring and that is huge. Hang in there! I hope that the embryologist was just downplaying it so that he could give you better news tomorrow.

Nikki said...

I agree with Davs - I think it's a good report too. You got 2 today, and you will get 2 more tomorrow, possibly 4 more tomorrow.

I'm lighting a candle for you this evening, and I pray your growing blasts catch up and you get a few normals among these.

Good luck Sue.

Jill M. said...

I still think you have a great chance of success. With your 2 frozen from last cycle and the 2 they just froze, you have a minimum of 4 plus a good chance of more tomorrow. Hang in there! I know how terrifying this is, we're all here for you every step of the way. Grow embies!

momsoon said...

I know it is so hard to fight the thoughts about 'more being better' and to resist that dreaded feeling that things won't work out...I think everything we have gone through conditions us to become afraid and draw that conclusion...

When really, RIGHT NOW you could have 'THE' embryo(s)-growing or frozen-
to make your family!!

It is so hard to have faith that everything is being worked out, but I think (esp. reading about CCRM's 80% success rate with pgd!!!) you have done amazingly well. If you read what Anonymous wrote, those are some good odds in your favour. Sometimes we just can't see/believe, I know.

Meantime, take good care of each other (you and your man) and know that you will have normal, healthy embryos to transfer very soon. Your bfp could be sooner than you think. I can see it for you.

Thinking of and praying for you guys- peace.

JJ said...

Sue, I'm hoping for the best today. Remember, the stats are that 30-50% of blasts come back normal, at the high end when you're younger, as you are. So I'd bet you'll hit at least the 50%mark with what you end up having available for biopsy. Also, CCRM's standards of what is good enough to biopsy and freeze are higher than other clinics so what does make it will be good quality. I did way worse than locally on blast count twice at CCRM and was totally gutted too. It stinks. But keep your chin up if you can. This is the bad part about cgh, waiting for weeks and weeks to get the results. We'll all try to keep you sane :-). Lots of hugs.

mlg- believe N miracles said...

I wish I knew exactly what to say other than hang in there, you have done everything that you could, and I think it is all going to work out, we are all rooting for you and your embies!

kayjay said...

This is such a numbers game and I know when it comes back it doesn't sound like very many...but you only need one right? I can only imagine how upset and discouraged you were when you got the news but try to hang in there okay? I'm thinking of you!

MamaSoon said...

So did you get an update today? Did they catch up?

Don't go throwing yourself under the bus. One cycle isn't indicative of anything. You aren't finished!

Will they freeze the ones that won't be biopsies as plan B embies? What will they do with them?

Anyhow, we've heard all kinds of things including that the less that good looking embies often make the best looking children.

Still, with four, statistically you have at least 1 normal. And that IS your golden embie. :-) Thinking of you...