It never gets easier

I've had a serious reality check this week. When I think my life sucks and things are so hard for me, I hear stories of friends of mine whose lives have recently been turned upside down by miserable, painful, life altering events. Events that make my little "OMG, I only have 4 embies to send to CGH, I may never be pregnant with my own eggs" saga seem silly and dramatic. Since I've heard their stories - one of which is life shattering and the other that just isn't fair- I can't stop thinking about both of these amazing women and realizing that no matter what things happen in life, Life just isn't fair. It is a painful, uphill battle and we get our comfort and peace and happiness in small doses...so we must take it while we can and make the most of it. So we really have to celebrate the wonderful people in our lives and any happiness that comes our way.

Last week I signed on to my regular bulletin boards to check out the status of some of my pregnant girls. Last year around this time I joined a cycle buddy group that really got close. So close that the cycle group never closed at the end of the month...it just keeps going. About 3/4 of the girls in that group are pregnant or just had babies, so I like to see where they all are. Well, one of them recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a few weeks ago. Last week she found out that she has stage IV colon cancer that has metastasized to her liver. She started chemo almost immediately and was researching her options. It makes me cry just writing this. She has a serious struggle ahead of her and her family. But, she is fighting it. You don't know this person and I am absolutely respecting her anonymity but if you could just say a little prayer for her and her family, it would be appreciated.

Another friend I met online through that same bulletin board happens to be a neighbor of mine. And, when I say neighbor, I mean only 2 houses away. We've been chatting online and in person for the last year or so. She and her husband have experienced some huge obstacles in IF. This time last year, at 19 weeks, she lost her twin boys. On her next IVF this past fall, she got pregnant with a singleton! As you can guess, it has been nerve-wracking getting past the 19 week stage (and I'm sure my story of miscarriage didn't help right in the early stages of her pregnancy). Well, just last week, at 20 weeks, she went to her anatomy scan at the OB's office and found out they were having a boy! But, that boy has spina bifida. I believe they are going to see specialists this week to see if in-utero surgery is an option and to find out how bad the spina bifida is. My heart just breaks. No one deserves this. Again, if you can, say a prayer that her boy will not be too affected by this or that surgery is an option for her. It is horribly scary to fear that the baby you are carrying and nurturing may have something wrong...and to wonder how wrong and what you can do to care for that baby already.

I wish I didn't have to be reminded that life just isn't fair. I already know this. I knew when I had my miscarriage at 9 weeks and was crying my eyes out that it could have been so much worse. I even said it to DH, when I could stop sobbing long enough to speak, "I know it could have been so much worse, it could have happened later, when I'd already seen her or his beautiful face on u/s or it could have happened while giving birth or a week or two after giving birth, it just could have been worse". But then I continued to cry because I was in pain anyway. We all are reminded of this daily when we see others struggle with IF. So, it hurts for what we go through and it hurts for others...and sometimes I just wish that others didn't have to go through this too...and sometimes I wish others didn't have to go through things that are just much worse...or that their journey ends happily or has no more bumps in the road. Life just isn't fair.