Monday, March 9, 2009

It never gets easier

I've had a serious reality check this week. When I think my life sucks and things are so hard for me, I hear stories of friends of mine whose lives have recently been turned upside down by miserable, painful, life altering events. Events that make my little "OMG, I only have 4 embies to send to CGH, I may never be pregnant with my own eggs" saga seem silly and dramatic. Since I've heard their stories - one of which is life shattering and the other that just isn't fair- I can't stop thinking about both of these amazing women and realizing that no matter what things happen in life, Life just isn't fair. It is a painful, uphill battle and we get our comfort and peace and happiness in small doses...so we must take it while we can and make the most of it. So we really have to celebrate the wonderful people in our lives and any happiness that comes our way.

Last week I signed on to my regular bulletin boards to check out the status of some of my pregnant girls. Last year around this time I joined a cycle buddy group that really got close. So close that the cycle group never closed at the end of the month...it just keeps going. About 3/4 of the girls in that group are pregnant or just had babies, so I like to see where they all are. Well, one of them recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a few weeks ago. Last week she found out that she has stage IV colon cancer that has metastasized to her liver. She started chemo almost immediately and was researching her options. It makes me cry just writing this. She has a serious struggle ahead of her and her family. But, she is fighting it. You don't know this person and I am absolutely respecting her anonymity but if you could just say a little prayer for her and her family, it would be appreciated.

Another friend I met online through that same bulletin board happens to be a neighbor of mine. And, when I say neighbor, I mean only 2 houses away. We've been chatting online and in person for the last year or so. She and her husband have experienced some huge obstacles in IF. This time last year, at 19 weeks, she lost her twin boys. On her next IVF this past fall, she got pregnant with a singleton! As you can guess, it has been nerve-wracking getting past the 19 week stage (and I'm sure my story of miscarriage didn't help right in the early stages of her pregnancy). Well, just last week, at 20 weeks, she went to her anatomy scan at the OB's office and found out they were having a boy! But, that boy has spina bifida. I believe they are going to see specialists this week to see if in-utero surgery is an option and to find out how bad the spina bifida is. My heart just breaks. No one deserves this. Again, if you can, say a prayer that her boy will not be too affected by this or that surgery is an option for her. It is horribly scary to fear that the baby you are carrying and nurturing may have something wrong...and to wonder how wrong and what you can do to care for that baby already.

I wish I didn't have to be reminded that life just isn't fair. I already know this. I knew when I had my miscarriage at 9 weeks and was crying my eyes out that it could have been so much worse. I even said it to DH, when I could stop sobbing long enough to speak, "I know it could have been so much worse, it could have happened later, when I'd already seen her or his beautiful face on u/s or it could have happened while giving birth or a week or two after giving birth, it just could have been worse". But then I continued to cry because I was in pain anyway. We all are reminded of this daily when we see others struggle with IF. So, it hurts for what we go through and it hurts for others...and sometimes I just wish that others didn't have to go through this too...and sometimes I wish others didn't have to go through things that are just much worse...or that their journey ends happily or has no more bumps in the road. Life just isn't fair.

14 comments:

MamaSoon said...

Amen. I know who are you talking about and it breaks my heart too. Life isn't fair and it rarely makes sense.

MamaSoon said...

Oh and thank you for your comments and sharing your details. it really made me feel better. :)

Fashionably Infertile said...

Same here. It breaks my heart to see these women go through all this pain..when they already experienced so much. They both are in my prayers. I will say ...you are a great writer. Your post did help me stop and think for a moment. I should appreciate life and not jump to far ahead of myself. I tend to worry and say "what if" all the time. Thanks for reminding me...xoxo

momsoon said...

It makes no sense what some people go through, especially when others seem to glide through life with much less pain...
I am thinking of those women and you and pray that those who truly need a break get it...peace

Me said...

I know what you mean. My (amputee) husband is very good at remembering to be grateful for what he has and not envying that which he does not. He often rolls his eyes at my melodrama. This is infuriating - in large part because I know he is right. *sigh*

Kris said...

I agree...life is just not fair. Although we know that our situations could always be worse, a lot of times that does ease our minds in our current situations. I wrote about the Pain Olympics on my blog a couple of weeks ago about how we all have different things going on in our lives and that I try to accept and be there for everyones pain, regardless of how "better" or "worse" their situations are. Even though your feinds are going through these horrible times, you are still entitled to feel the way you do about your own situation.

I will be thinking of and praying for your two friends and everyone else who is going through difficult times.

Hang in there,
Kris

DAVs said...

I know. None of this is fair--whether you never experience a pregnancy or lose one to miscarriage or suffer a devastating illness, none of it is painless. I agree that we have to celebrate the small joys in our lives, which can so easily be overshadowed by IF.
Wishing things would be easier for all of us.

Jill M. said...

OMG, what a sad sad post!!! I said a prayer for both women. While other's tragic events don't take away our pain for our own circumstances, it does help put things into perspective and to realize what we are blessed with. I hope with everything in me that these women receive the miracle they deserve.

DonnaPetit said...

My Mom always said "Stop your crying, there's always someone worse off than you". She was so right. When I was dx'd with MS, I was miserable for a short time, then I looked around and found so many people in much worse situations. Sometimes I think that everyone should go thru a life altering crisis just to get their priorities straight.

I don't want to minimize anyone's personal struggle, I just think that every so often we need to look around and be grateful for our blessings.

Linda said...

I just said a prayer for your friends and everyone going through IF. I totally agree - life is not fair.

On another note, I've just caught up with your blog (but I've read your posts on IVFC on the 'Waiting for CGH/microarray results' thread). I just want you to know that I'm rootin' for you and that I hope and pray that you will be pleasantly suprised. :)

Sky said...

Sue, you really nailed it (and thank you for the perspective). It's so easy for me to get down about my own issues but to know that a woman out there tried so hard to have her baby, delivers a beautiful boy and then learns she has a very serious end-stage cancer is heartbreaking.

My thoughts and best wishes are with she and her family.

Thanks for reminding me to be grateful for some really really wonderful things.

Nikki said...

I'm so sorry for your friends - I'm praying for them to get through their challenges. You're right life is unfair.

Christi said...

saying some prayers for your friends...

thinking of you as well.

kayjay said...

I'm just catching up on posts so sorry for the late comment.

My heart just broke when I read about those two women and I said a prayer for both. To go through so much and then to get such devestating news...really makes you wonder.