I've been holding out on you!!!

I had to get around to posting this at some point. We got home from our trip on Tuesday at about noon. I had no symptoms at all. I was a wreck. Very very nervous. I had had a lot of belly pain all weekend, but, to be honest, I kind of attributed it to stress and IBS, and then Tuesday, NOTHING. I was so upset. Then about 5 pm, my bbs started to hurt! I was so excited. I immediately told Brett that I wanted to POAS. He said, "but it is so early! What if it comes back negative, will you be able to handle that...b/c you know it is early!?!" I said no, I would probably get upset, even though I know it is way too soon to see a positive home pregnancy test. Then, about 10 minutes later I said I didn't care and I wanted to take it and if it was negative, then I'd have to rationalize how early it is. Well, I took it, and there was a mirage of a second line. Brett said, "yup, I can see it - um, if I tilt it just so". Well, we continued to debate, me saying the usual, "a line is a line - its positive" and him not being so sure. So, he sent me to the corner Walgreens for another brand and 2 hours later I POAS'd again - this time on my trusty old EPT's. And, yup, another super faint line, this time making a pathetic little "+". We sat on the couch and said, okay, so 90/10 I am pregnant, lets not get too excited.

The next day, the line got darker and yesterday it was much darker. So, it is official, for the moment I am pregnant! I am happy and relieved but after all of what we have been through, you all know that we've lost the ability to get too crazy over a few positive HPTs. We've apparently also lost the ability to be confident in beta numbers or the ability to be confident when we go to ultrasounds....so this is going to be a rocky road. But, we've cleared the first hurdle. I wish we were still naive and just plain excited. But we are excited but cautious this time. We aren't really going to tell anyone until 14 weeks so those of you who know me outside of blogworld, please keep my secret. I know some of you really don't understand why it is a secret, because getting pregnant when you've tried this hard should be celebrated loudly, but you have to honor my wishes. We are trying to take this one day at a time and we will quietly celebrate each milestone in our own way.

My beta is scheduled for Monday. Oh - and since my first positive test was on Tuesday, or in IVF terms, 4dp5dt, um, we are hoping and thinking that maybe it is twins and both took! I know it is rare to get a positive that early so I think that is the general consensus that it is likely twins but we will be happy either way (and I think I just show hcg early b/c last cycle, I got my singleton positive on 7dp3dt, but they also think I started with 2 and went to 1 before the first ultrasound). I have some HPT pics (you guys know I can't resist this) but I didn't take a pic of the 4dp5dt one b/c I doubt very much that line would show up in a photo.

I am so relieved that I don't have to go into the old RE's office with a BFN. Nothing in the world could have stopped me from POASing before that beta - but I had really planned on waiting until Sunday to take a test (I know, I'm delusional about my own lack of control) and if it was negative, I was going to skip the old RE and go to Quest Diagnostics, lol. At least this way I can go into the old RE's and feel a little more confident!

So, without further ado:

As you can see 5dp5dt was taken with FMU and is really light. I'm not sure why my HCG shows up better in the evening, but it does. I'm also terrible at taking pics of these things b/c they just don't come in clear at all. But, you get the idea. It is getting darker and darker!

And, just a few friendly faces from Colorado! I know you girls who travel out there miss these cute litte guys! This was a field by one of the business parks and it was absolutely full of little baby prairie dogs, which I know are a local nuisance, but they are so cute I can't stand it!