Yesterday I get a call from my mom that my brother called her to tell her that my sister in law is pregnant again. Of course, since most of my family knew we were going to try IVF again (because I have to travel so far to do it), the entire family has been waiting for my SIL to be pregnant...she just can't handle the thought of others being pregnant. Each time she has gotten pregnant it was when friends or family members had just made big announcements. Its a desperate and annoying cry for attention and here it is again. I'm struggling with this. Its not like I think it takes away from our happiness (or stress) but that I am annoyed. I just didn't want to be pregnant at the same time as her - EVER. And, now it looks like she is likely just a few days behind me since they tend to call around with the good news whenever she pees on a stick and sees a positive. Its just that she turns everything into a competition.
When I miscarried in the fall, it was already almost 10 weeks by the time we found out that the heartbeat had stopped. It was horribly painful and I had to tell family members, who I had just informed that we were pregnant the week before, that we lost the baby. It was painful and mortifying. Well, within a few days I find out that this particular sister in law is very upset with me. She is angry and upset that I don't confide in her and I don't want to commiserate with her over miscarriages since she has had so many....um, what? As far as I know (since she tells everyone immediately upon a positive hpt - wouldn't we know if she miscarried?), she has never miscarried. In fact, my brother actually asked me repeatedly why I don't want to talk to her about my m/c's...? Finally my brother confronted my mom with what a bad, miserable person I am b/c I don't want to talk to her about it and my mom asked my brother when she m/c'd? He said he didn't know. She said, had she already been to the doctor...he said, I don't think so...? She said, had she seen a heartbeat? He said...um, no. She yelled at him for a minute and the affair was over...no more talk about what a bitch I am because I miscarried and didn't want my sister in law's advice on how to cope with it because she is such an expert.
With her last baby, my mother was at the local hairdressers and the hairdresser said to her, "so I bet C's pregnant, huh?". My mom commented that she hadn't heard at all...and so she probably wasn't. The hairdresser said, "well, H is pregnant and they are friends, and you know how C is...I give it a few days at most, until there is an announcement". Literally, within the week my sis in law, C, had called us all to say she was pregnant...funny, right?
One more - unrelated to pregnancy...(I am so put upon, right?)
My brother and C got married by a justice of the peace before he left for Iraq. None of us knew about it before hand, they just sort of eloped. Well, after a few years, she heard I was going to get married since I sent out save the date cards for the date (june 3), she decided that she had never had a real wedding and she wanted one, so she went about planning it and picked her date- June 3, um of that same year. She went over to my mom's to share the good news that she picked a date and was starting to plan everything for June 3. My mom looked at her, said she thought the date sounded familiar, went to the fridge and saw our save the date card and said, but Sue already is getting married that day. C had a fit and stormed home to my brother crying that she had to change the date of their wedding. And, still, every year I get in trouble b/c I don't send an anniversary card - or I do, but only for the wedding I went to, not for the elopement day - should you send 2 when people get married 2x? crazy, right?
I give that example b/c it just highlights how everything has to be turned around to be about her. I'm not someone who typically likes a lot of attention. I just don't. I don't want positive or negative attention, I just want to live and be happy with my husband, my family and my dogs. Its just my nature...too much attention makes me a little nervous...she is the opposite, but you'd think that I would be non-threatening to her then right?
In any event, it gets worse. I told my mom that we were pregnant b/c she dog- and house-sat for us when we were in Colorado and I thought she should know since she knew exactly what we were going there for. However, I asked her to honor my wishes and not tell ANYONE about it. Since she has never miscarried, she doesn't fully understand why I am not just plain excited and shouting it from the rooftops now, but she said she'd honor my wishes. In particular, I asked her not to tell my dad...they are divorced but still talk...and I told her why. The reason is this - he is a decent guy but is an alcoholic. He was a terrible dad but, since we've grown up, he's gotten better with adult children. Well, when he gets drunk (aka, every day) he forgets that he tells people things and sometimes he forgets that he spoke to people or called them on the phone. So, he can't be fully trusted. He also really wants Brett and I to be happy so when he finds out we are pregnant, he wants to tell his family (sisters and brothers) whom I haven't spoken to in over 10 years. He also tells my brother and sister in law stuff that he doesn't remember. Well, as of this morning, my mom was talking to my dad about my brother's wife's pregnancy and she let it slip that we are pregnant. Why? I just don't know...she just let it out. Then she tried to backtrack and told him not to tell anyone (yeah, right). So, that is it. I'm stressed and miserable b/c my news will soon be on Reuters practically...everyone will know. Argh. Sometimes my family is just too much.
Anyway, since I started this blog to act as a journal and a source for getting out some of my stress...I had to post this. I am going to try to forget about it. I am also not going to talk to ANYONE about this pregnancy until 14 weeks....so mid-August....and I pray every day I make it that far (buy why can't anyone else understand this?). So frustrating. Thanks for allowing me to vent.