so pretty

I had to post this pic. There I was hoping that both embryos would thaw nicely. In my heart I really wanted to see one already hatching. Well, pictures speak louder than words, so....




Of course, I had a stress meltdown yesterday but this was a very nice surprise today. Please pray for us!

taking a short break

I think I am going to be taking a small break from blogging for about a week. Though I am not sure....so I'll be warning right now that posts may be rare from me. I have access to my laptop all the time and the hotels have great connections but part of me just wants to hide out for a little bit this transfer. I really can't explain it. So, for now, I am saing that I will rarely post in the next week or so (probably until I get home) but then again, I may totally change my mind and post a TON in the next few days. Just a quick explanation if it appears that I've disappeared for the next week or so! Thanks for all the support- and I do want to update- but I think I'm nervous abou this transfer!

Somewhere in Illinois

I started a post yesterday entitled "somewhere in PA" but for some reason couldn't post it. So, I am finally updating. We had a GREAT time in Gettysburg dragging my friend Chris across every part of the battlefield in the hot sunshine and on the ghost tour. It was great. I hate living so far from her! then we left after an early dinner and made it to another part of PA to rest for the night. This morning we drove through the rest of PA, OH, parts of WV, Indiana and here we are in IL. It sounds like a lot but it was a fun drive. I have great pics from Gettysburg but will have to post them later.

I started the PIO Sunday along with the medrol. I did not make it to my P4 check today since every local blood draw place was closed along the way....but I am not overly worried. I can feel that I am absorbing the progesterone just fine, thank you painful bbs! My RE said it was okay to skip the P4 check if necessary since I've never had a hard time absorbing it before. However, i did need to add estrace to the protocol b/c my estrogen was low. It was supposed to be over 300 with the 4 patches but was only around 168. This seems to be kind of common. My lining on Saturday was already a 12.4, so that is super-plush and ready to receive the babies!

On a very interesting note- I saw a stork on the drive down to Gettysburg on Sat. I almost didn't believe it was a stork but when Brett asked me to describe it, I was like, um, it kind of looked like the vlasic pickle bird, lol, but is that a stork? He said yes, that is a stork. Its little legs hung down as it flew over our car. That, my friends, I am taking as a very good sign! How cool is that?

Garden pics and neurotic ramblings

I didn't get a chance to post yesterday. I spent all last week setting this week up to be very busy so that I wouldn't stress, so now I am stressed AND busy. So, I went in yesterday for my bloodwork. They called with the results, my estradiol should be above 50 and it was 89, so I am good to start 2 patches today, then 3 on Thursday, 4 on Saturday, have my blood tested again and my lining checked on Saturday at 7:45 AM. If the lining is greater than a 8, then Brett and I can leave for our trip:-) I'm hoping it will be fine. My only real concern at this stage in the game is that my lining will be too thick. But, nothing I can do right now...

This weekend we went to the farmer's market again and got more plants. Last year we started seedlings in a little greenhouse thing in the house and moved them outside where many died, but many survived and became a hugely overgrown, healthy garden. This year, I didn't want to do the greenhouse thing with the little packets of seeds, so we bought plants from the farmer's market ($2 for 6 plants). We planted tomatoes (Roma, grape, and beefsteak), zuchinni, yellow squash, green, red, yellow peppers, basil, cilantro, and broccoli. We just planted seeds of greenbeans and peas also. In a few weeks, we will do cucumber and be done with it. So, here are some beginning pics:

Here is the "gate" to my garden. The fence looks a a little ghetto, but it is temporary and we just needed something to keep the dogs out. So far it has worked...

Side view:

Yup, they are right at that front gate, when I was running around this morning, pulling boxes and pots off of these plants at 8AM since we had to cover them b/c of frost overnight. Frost! its almost memorial day! but the plants don't seem to have suffered.

One of the beefsteak tomatoes...

Some pretty Gerba daisies I found at the market and replanted. Don't they make you want to smile?

Some landscaping. Brett and I are decent with the gardening (him better than me) but we are not great at landscaping and our house really needs some color...so we are trying!

I have a totally "out of left field" question. Has anyone watched the HBO series, Tr.ue B.lood? I ask b/c I've read the books and loved them but I have seen some ads for the show and am not impressed with casting, plus I've heard that the show is more violent/erotic/harsh than the books, which are kind of light and funny and entertaining. I kind of want to see the show but we don't have HBO and I've thought about renting the DVDs or even buying them if I thought I'd like them (I never buy movies or music or anything, not sure why) - I even considered them as a fun thing to do while on bedrest but I'm afraid I'll be annoyed and not like them. What did you guys think? anyone?

Besides that, I'm nervous. Brett's nervous. We're all a little on edge and I am super-glad that we are going on a little light vacation on the way there. I need the distraction. Now, how to eat on the road with a gluten-free diet? I think I have to pack a cooler, but I have to first find decent tasting gluten-free bread! We usually do sandwiches, which isn't so easy GF. I make life so difficult, right?

Oh, and I might as well go All-out and tell you exactly how crazy I am. On the IVFC board there is a thread about CGH/microarray and the success rate is incredible! I mean it is nuts. Everyone is pregnant. A few weeks ago this made me feel GREAT. I was like "this is going to work, look at everyone else- they are all pregnant!". Of course, as the FET approaches, I am a saying the opposite. "Oh crap, with all these pregnancies from CGH and microarray, someone has got to make up the bad part of the percentage. So if they are all pregnant, I probably won't be!". So my brain went from focusing on the 89% success rate to the 11% failure rate. I know this is somewhat nuts and irrational, I also know it is kind of understandable, but it is still stressful.

2 weeks!

I'm dying here. I think I like the bustle of a stim cycle. Sitting around, preparing for an FET is just so mellow and gives me lots of time to think. Too much time to think. So, I'm trying to stay busy. I started patches on Monday and finally decreased to 5 units of lupron on Tuesday. My regular nurse also called on Tuesday when she got in to tell me that the extra lupron won't affect anything. Whew. I go in on Monday for my first E2 check and then next Saturday for my E2 and lining check. Then we are leaving right away. We are going down to Gettysburg PA on Saturday and meeting up with a good friend of mine from college. We have a ghost tour scheduled Saturday night, we will stick around most of Sunday and then start to head northwest that afternoon. I'm so happy we are doing the road trip - it lets me focus on things like packing, what we need, finding fun things to visit, etc.

I really have nothing much else to say. I'm just really anxious to get started. I think I'm afraid of too thin a lining/too thick of a lining/cancelling the cycle/failure. There are just so many things! So, I'm glad that it is finally the weekend. I'm teaching yoga this morning and have some errands to run this afternoon. Tomorrow morning I have to head out with Brett very early to get to the farmer's market to get more plants (we planted the garden so I'll post pics on Monday), then I have a baby shower for my neighbor Sat afternoon. She got pregnant right after me so she is finally at 30 weeks (hard to imagine we'd be so close to giving birth if all had gone well!). I've spoken of her before - she is the one whose beautiful son will be born with spina bifida- so her and her husband are going through a lot right now- excitement, nerves, fear, sadness, happiness -I can't even begin to imagine all the things they are going through. I'm just hoping that she has a fun, beautiful shower and her boy is born healthier than expected and surprises all of the doctors! After that, I'm sure Brett will keep me busy - we have lots to do around the house! So, I'll update with pics on Monday. Have a great weekend everyone!

messed up

We messed up a shot last night. 7 IVF's and this is the first time we've screwed up like this. I was getting up to get my shot and the phone rang, so I answered it. While I was talking to my brother, Brett started getting the shot ready and despite the fact that I've been saying for 2 days how much I am dying to cut down my lupron shot from 10 units to 5 on MONDAY, he proceeded to fill it with 10 units, signalled to me to expose some belly, I did, while talking on the phone, he gave me the shot. One second later, I pulled the phone away, and said, "that was 5 units, right?" and which point, there was about 5 minutes of things I refuse to print being said in a loud angry voice (edited to add, he was the one cursing- he felt so bad!!! I was just tearing up b/c I had such a bad headache!). I got off the phone with my brother and we discussed. I was freaked out. He was upset. I called the nurse line and talked to a nurse (my nurse is out on Mondays) and she says it is "probably" fine. I am hoping it won't affect anything. Of course, we have to screw it up on our most important cycle, right? Also, on top of that, I've really had the WORST lupron headaches this time. I am miserable - my eyeballs and teeth hurt this cycle. I was literally dying to lower the dose and then we messed up. I felt so bad for Brett because he was miserable about forgetting to lower the dose. I guess you just get so used to doing the same thing over and over again that it becomes routine and you forget to change it. So, I did some research last night and it seems that some people stay on 10 units the entire FET cycle. Some even do 20 units so I think an extra day of 10 units shouldn't hurt, right? after all, I think all the lupron is doing at this point is suppressing me, right?

Vivelle, Check!

AF finally arrived on Saturday morning at 2:30 AM. Of course my nurse said Friday is the last day but she may be able to stretch me to Saturday and still keep my date, so I was freaking out. Friday morning I had spotting (and I NEVER spot) so, of course, I cheered the arrival of AF. Then nothing. So, I jumped up and down a bunch, lol. Drank strong ginger tea, went for a run. Um, other stuff to try to get her to come on. Then I called the nurse. She asked me when I thought I'd get my period. I said any minute, or sometime overnight. She told me that if I get her anytime before bed that I should consider it CD1 and start Vivelle patches on Sunday (CD 3), but if I got AF after bedtime and any time before Saturday bedtime, to consider Saturday CD 1 and start the patches on Monday. I was a mess. Finally I woke up at 2:30 Saturday morning with horrible cramps, got up, read a book and by the time I went back to sleep, I had full flow. So, I started the patches this morning and we are still shooting for a May 29 FET date. Whew. AF arrived on the last day possible...but at least she arrived!

So, I'm starting to get excited about our trip and the FET. We are still thinking we are going to drive down to CO and make a little road trip/vaca out of it. So, I will start scheduling and planning as soon as I talk to my nurse today because that would mean that we are leaving in almost exactly 2 weeks!!! Our first leg of the trip will be down to visit Gettysburg, PA and visit with friends there. Brett and I have driven across the country several times to move coasts and each time we've been in a mad rush to get to the other coast so have never stopped to sight-see and since we have some time, we are going to sight see this time! (well, once I stopped to see Mount Rushmore but that was the one trip where Brett wasn't with me - he was already in WA waiting for me to arrive with all my stuff!).

I am nervous, of course, about the results of this FET. The CGH/microarray testing has gotten such great results. The success rates are unbelievable. It makes the fear of failure that much more distinct. Last night, Brett voiced concerns about what if this is a BFN. We haven't really been considering it and we sort-of have a plan in place, but I think we will both be so confused if it is. That is the scary part. And then my fear kicks in that we will get a beautiful BFP and I will miscarray again. I think I'll be freaking out at every single ultrasound....and that isn't much fun. So, I've been trying to not think about it. Just trying to stay positive and think that I've gotten pregnant before so we know I can, the embryos are normal (well, 90% sure they are normal) so the chance of me m/c'ing is smaller, and at the end of it all - what choice do we have? We either go forward and try or we give up. So, here we go...

What a week (end).

I haven't posted because I have very little good to say! Just to give you a hint of what has been going on around here. Brett has shingles. Monday night he started hurting, thinking he pulled a muscle in his back over the weekend. Tuesday he came home from a business trip and I gave him a back massage- trying to work out this knot he thought he had. Wednesday morning, we noticed a rash where the knot was. By Wednesday night the pain had become shooting pains that advil wasn't helping. I could feel him physically jump when the pain would shoot through this back and to his chest. By Thursday I was contacting our PCP to tell them he has shingles (nice that I self diagnose, right) and contacting Brett's sis who is a doctor b/c he was insisting that it wasn't shingles and he'd be fine. By Thursday night I got him to the PCP- yup, shingles. So, now he's on meds- but the only pain med they gave him is a patch that you stick on to locally numb the area and he is horribly allergic to it - gave him another rash (in the exact square shape of the patch) so the poor guy is in serious pain. Oh, and yes, being the panicked person I am, I called CCRM and they said that I am fine to move forward as long as I don't have shingles. (it isn't contagious - well, he can give chicken pox to someone if they touch the rash, but I've already had that and I can't actually catch shingles from him). So, that was fun.

We have a dead mouse (or mice) in the ceiling above our small bathroom downstairs. I know this b/c it STINKS! I've heard mice in the walls on occasion - they've never made it into the house but there is evidence of them in the connected garage and I've found where they've been entering the wall from the garage to the family room, where I hear them sometimes. We've caught a few here and there in traps (sorry - I hate to hurt any living thing, but what else can you do?). And, yes, we did the stupid thing and put out a small packet of poison after we found a nest in the garage and they weren't getting caught in the traps. (at first I thought this was a stupid idea- and it is- but then I thought about it and when we lived in MA, the house had mice when we moved in and we called an exterminator before we moved in and all they did was put out poison - so we did it). Well, now it stinks! And, it is getting worse...not sure how long it will take to decompose or how many flies we are going to see in the next few weeks. All I know is that the door to that bathroom stays closed and I light a lot of candles and freak out all day and night about this situation. I HATE IT. I love our home and I am pissed that it smells bad and we can't be comfortable and safe in our own home. I'm serious- you can't smell it on the floor that our bedroom is on, but I can't sleep because of this. (I say the floor our bedroom is on instead of what floor b/c we have an oddly shaped split level and it technically has at least 3 floors and the dead mouse is in the ceiling of the first floor, the bedroom is on the 3rd, but that makes our house sound huge and it's not- just normal sized.).

There has been other stuff going on but most of it isn't worth mentioning too much. I am now on AF-alert. I usually get her on day 26 but we estimated her for day 31 b/c of the lupron. Today is day 27, so any day now....hopefully by Friday/Saturday, but the sooner the better. Oh, and I think I hate facebook. Oh well.