Friday, November 6, 2009

Rough week

I won't go into all of the details, but I've had a really rough week. I'm aware that I should be the happiest I've ever been in my life. I am so ridiculously happy to be at the 100 day mark for the rest of this pregnancy - I truly got to the point where I never thought this would happen. I love my husband with all of me...seriously, he is the greatest guy in the world and treats me like gold (sent flowers for being such a good preggo last week!). I love my dogs, my house, my life. But then, enter mom. I've been having a lot of problems in the family department lately. My mom and I had always been close but in recent years, she has changed a lot. I don't want to complain too much in this particular venue b/c I really don't always know who reads this (though I am sure my mom doesn't...she told me she's not interested b/c she gets a phone call and doesn't need to look at my blog like everyone else). Seriously, my relationship with my mother is ruining my blissful existence!! (how dare she...right?). Seriously, I'm struggling. I even called a few therapists yesterday to find a good one to discuss some of this with. We fight constantly and she hangs up on me several times a month. She takes over EVERYTHING. To the extent that Brett and I decided that we are likely not going to call her until Teagan is born b/c I won't be able to handle having her in the labor room...and she is definitely not invited into the delivery room (something she is so pissed about b/c she is saying if she isn't there she doesn't think Brett should be either!!!!). Ugh. The end result, is that I am stressed.

To go one step further, she hates my husband. Oh yeah, she also hates my SIL and hated my brother's ex wife. Basically, anyone who she sees as getting in the way of what she sees as her part in the family. I absolutely refuse to raise a child around her if she is going to treat my husband badly. Its as easy as that. This Sunday we did a breakfast for church. My mom rarely goes to church but she decided to this week. When she got there, we were already in the pew and, because Brett was on the outside of the pew, she wouldn't sit with us but instead chose to sit behind us. She said hello to me and hugged me. Ignored Brett. She did the little "peace be with you" with him...but when she left, she hugged me, said goodbye to me, ignored him and left. How are you supposed to explain THAT to a kid? Its rude, uncalled for and emotionally scarring!

Anyway, I don't want this to be too much of a vent but I started this blog as a place for this sort of thing...and I've stopped doing it because a lot of IRL people read it and I'm trying to be sensitive to how crazy they will think I am, but I had to get this one out there. I seriously need to get into therapy before this baby is born b/c as is, I am letting myself be miserable over my mother...who has everything going for herself right now too! Why be miserable when nothing is going wrong? I called a few local therapists yesterday and haven't gotten any responses yet but I've heard they usually don't rush call backs. We'll see. I've read about a particular disorder that I know that my mom has...and how that impacts daughters of mothers like that...so I know, in some ways, what I am supposed to do. Its just 35 years of guilt and being taught that my emotions don't matter in relation to hers makes it very very hard for me.

Besides that, I finally got my H1N1 shot today....which is the good news. The rest of the day has been a little bit of a disaster...but I'm working on it. Brett is coming home in a few minutes from a business trip so I'm gonna rush out the door to pick him up at the airport. I'm sure this post made barely any sense but I'll publish it anyway and maybe explain more/fix it later. I've just been an emotional mess this week...and was successfully hung up on 2x by my mom just this week!

10 comments:

Kris said...

I am so sorry that you are having problems with your mom! I have issues with my FIL and his wife and it steals your joy a little. Can you just tell her that you need some space and take a "breather" from her for a few weeks?

Allison said...

I am so so sorry that you are having so many issues with your mom. That is an awful situation to be in since she doesnt like ur hubby. I cant believe that she would be so ugly to him when CLEARLY he is here to stay :) I hope some therapists call you back and you are able to find one you like. Meanwhile, anytime you need to vent, Ill be here to listen bc believe me, thats all my blog is- a place to vent. Come on over anytime and dont feel bad about it! :)

Barefoot said...

I'm so sorry about the stressful dealings with your mom. I've had some family drama lately as well, and have discovered one good thing -- getting ready for a baby really helps to clarify what is important. It sounds like, even though it's hard, you're working to create a healthy emotional environment for the kiddo (and for yourself).

PJ said...

Oh no! I'm so so sorry that you are going through this, when you should be blissfully at peace. I can't even imagine my mother treating my husband badly.

Many hugs.

lastchanceivf said...

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but it sounds like you already know what has to happen--put yourself first and don't let her ruin things for you. Man, this is supposed to be your happy time! I hope things get better soon.

PJ said...

Hey, my ultrasound is on the 16th. I'm SOOO ready for it to BE the 16th.

JJ said...

I'm so sorry about your rough week and the general situation with your Mum. This is such an important time for you and I hate that you're dealing with this. It's true that the imminent arrival of your baby puts things into perspective and you will be a wonderful Mum, not least because of the issues you've had yourself. Brett is clearly a wonderful husband to you and it's not him, but her. Doesn't make you feel better, but you are and will be a tight family unit with him and that is the most important thing now. Ugh, I hope that somehow things improve on the Mum front.

Jill M. said...

Ughhh, I'm so sorry your mom is putting you through this uncalled for drama. She sounds a little on the selfish side. I think I would write her a letter explaining how you feel and lay down the law with her. Best of luck... hugs!

Not Your Aunt B said...

How stressful! I wish I had some advice, but I don't. I agree that she can't treat your husband that way (or you shouldn't tolerate it) because the child will pick up on that. Luckily, it won't be for awhile and hopefully a therapist or someone will have some insight. Big hugs to you. It's no fun having to deal with crazy family.

Rebecca said...

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time with your mother. I always thought that once I grew up, my mother and I would have a better, less difficult relationship, but that hasn't proved to be the case. Sadly, it turns out that sometimes the "parent" in the relationship isn't capable of (or has no interest in) behaving like a mature adult, even though they're the age of one.

I have lots of experience with this, unfortunately. I'll try to avoid assvice and stick to just words of support: You're not going crazy, even though she's making you feel like that. It's just that as a normal, healthy, mature adult, you understand how normal, healthy, mature adults are supposed to treat each other (especially when it's a family member who is supposed to love you unconditionally!) and it's difficult for the brain to compute why that isn't happening in the expected way.

You are making (and I'm sure will continue to make) the best choices for you, your DH, and your child in terms of what kind of relationship and contact with your mother is appropriate. And even if that turns out to be very limited contact, if that's what's best, then that's what's best, and that's perfectly okay.

You've worked damn hard and endured so much to get to the point where you are, and you deserve to enjoy every single second of it, without anyone ruining it for you.