I won't go into all of the details, but I've had a really rough week. I'm aware that I should be the happiest I've ever been in my life. I am so ridiculously happy to be at the 100 day mark for the rest of this pregnancy - I truly got to the point where I never thought this would happen. I love my husband with all of me...seriously, he is the greatest guy in the world and treats me like gold (sent flowers for being such a good preggo last week!). I love my dogs, my house, my life. But then, enter mom. I've been having a lot of problems in the family department lately. My mom and I had always been close but in recent years, she has changed a lot. I don't want to complain too much in this particular venue b/c I really don't always know who reads this (though I am sure my mom doesn't...she told me she's not interested b/c she gets a phone call and doesn't need to look at my blog like everyone else). Seriously, my relationship with my mother is ruining my blissful existence!! (how dare she...right?). Seriously, I'm struggling. I even called a few therapists yesterday to find a good one to discuss some of this with. We fight constantly and she hangs up on me several times a month. She takes over EVERYTHING. To the extent that Brett and I decided that we are likely not going to call her until Teagan is born b/c I won't be able to handle having her in the labor room...and she is definitely not invited into the delivery room (something she is so pissed about b/c she is saying if she isn't there she doesn't think Brett should be either!!!!). Ugh. The end result, is that I am stressed.
To go one step further, she hates my husband. Oh yeah, she also hates my SIL and hated my brother's ex wife. Basically, anyone who she sees as getting in the way of what she sees as her part in the family. I absolutely refuse to raise a child around her if she is going to treat my husband badly. Its as easy as that. This Sunday we did a breakfast for church. My mom rarely goes to church but she decided to this week. When she got there, we were already in the pew and, because Brett was on the outside of the pew, she wouldn't sit with us but instead chose to sit behind us. She said hello to me and hugged me. Ignored Brett. She did the little "peace be with you" with him...but when she left, she hugged me, said goodbye to me, ignored him and left. How are you supposed to explain THAT to a kid? Its rude, uncalled for and emotionally scarring!
Anyway, I don't want this to be too much of a vent but I started this blog as a place for this sort of thing...and I've stopped doing it because a lot of IRL people read it and I'm trying to be sensitive to how crazy they will think I am, but I had to get this one out there. I seriously need to get into therapy before this baby is born b/c as is, I am letting myself be miserable over my mother...who has everything going for herself right now too! Why be miserable when nothing is going wrong? I called a few local therapists yesterday and haven't gotten any responses yet but I've heard they usually don't rush call backs. We'll see. I've read about a particular disorder that I know that my mom has...and how that impacts daughters of mothers like that...so I know, in some ways, what I am supposed to do. Its just 35 years of guilt and being taught that my emotions don't matter in relation to hers makes it very very hard for me.
Besides that, I finally got my H1N1 shot today....which is the good news. The rest of the day has been a little bit of a disaster...but I'm working on it. Brett is coming home in a few minutes from a business trip so I'm gonna rush out the door to pick him up at the airport. I'm sure this post made barely any sense but I'll publish it anyway and maybe explain more/fix it later. I've just been an emotional mess this week...and was successfully hung up on 2x by my mom just this week!