Wednesday, August 26, 2009

family stress

So, thank you for supporting me in my last post. I wasn't really mad at anyone in particular, but noticed a few comments, had no idea who they were directed at, but wanted to say something. I know of several women who feel so guilty about blogging about their pregnancies (after many, many years and many, many treatments) that I wanted to say that we should cut them (and me!) some slack. But, it is every one's choice...and it is my choice that I continue to follow all of my favorite infertility blogs and so end up reading the unfortunate comments, so what can I say?

On my end, things are going really well. I am feeling a lot better. I'm exercising and starting to get some energy back...though, given yesterday, maybe a little too much energy. I thought I overdid it during the day, was exhausted by 5PM and then by bedtime, couldn't sleep. I got about 3 hours of sleep! I have no idea why and am starting to wonder if this is just normal. My symptoms are almost non-existent at this point and I haven't started to get the predicted "must eat everything in sight" symptom. In fact, I'm still not all that interested in food. If I don't eat for a couple of hours, my belly hurts but then I have to figure out what I feel like eating and nothing really sounds great. Although I had this amazing thing this weekend- do any of you have a Yogen Fruz near you? OMG, it is heaven. They blend fresh frozen pro biotic yogurt with any fruit you want....yum. Anyway, I haven't gained anything really yet- 1.5 lbs though I do look like I am rockin the beer gut at this stage. I am hoping to pass into looking like I am pregnant soon b/c it is funny to see me with my beer gut in my racing colors speedo at the pool:-) (and, yes, I am going to post a belly pic soon...have been working up to it - well I just keep forgetting to get Brett to take a pic of me)

I should post a warning here b/c I was hoping to be more light-hearted but this post turned into a panicked bitch-session about family visiting later this week. If you don't want to hear me complain about my miserable sister in law and my family, skip the rest of this post!

I am not looking forward to later this week when my brother and sister in law visit. It is sad to me b/c my brother and I used to be so close...I mean, so close that when we were kids my mom used to punish us by separating us. Then, in college, I became best friends with the woman who would become his first wife. We all partied together and hung out and had really great times...then something happened. He divorced my friend and married the monster, who I really tried to like for his sake, but it didn't work. Anyway, I am sad that we don't all get along and sadder still that I so rarely see my two nieces. So, I look forward to seeing them but it is always tempered by the fact that when everyone is in a room, we are all either trying to find topics to not argue about, or arguing. Its sad.

Anyway, they are coming on Friday. His wife got pregnant about 6 days after I did (she knew we were trying again and she likes A LOT of attention). She apparently has already gained a ton of weight already trying to convince everyone that this time it is a boy (my family is insanely chauvinistic and I HATE it) and therefore, would be the savior of my family name on this her way of convincing everyone is to show how different this pregnancy is from the others. So, this time she is apparently constantly nauseous (so she says) but not throwing up and so has to eat constantly, which results in 14 week pregnancy weight gain of about 30 lbs. It is going to be hilarious - I am further along but absolutely do not look pregnant yet and she looks ready to give birth.

Also- and here is where I get upset - I hear from my brother that after 2 c-sections she is insisting on trying for a VBAC again (she tried last time but has very big babies). It is not recommended by her old OB so she is going to a hospital 2 hours out of the way where they are saying that they will induce her labor 10 days before full term so that the baby is still smallish, that way she can have a vaginal birth (b/c an unmedicated vaginal birth is so much easier than a c-section, I hear -read that sarcastically, please). She says b/c she got to 1cm short of full dilation last time that she practically gave birth vaginally and knows exactly how much pain it is so will insist on a regular birth this time. THIS KILLS ME. Yes, I want a vaginal birth. If I can avoid major abdominal surgery, I will. However, if it is medically recommended that I have a c-section and it is safer for my baby, I will do that. I would never risk my baby b/c I want something done my way. (but again, I did a lot of not fun things to have this chance, they are, according to her, repeatedly, "very very fertile" and according to my brother "all I have to do is put my boots under the bed"). Apparently they went to a bunch of OB's around them and they all said they'd recommend a c-section in her case so she took it to another state...over 2 hours away.

So, I am going to get A LOT of unsolicited advice about pregnancy from someone I really can't stand and has been very very mean to me over all of my struggles. Someone who said of her best friend, who was undergoing IF treatments, "I hope it doesn't work, they should never be parents" (when her best friend is sweet, is raising her husband's 7 year old daughter, and has a very solid marriage). I am hoping I can keep my mouth shut and let her talk...or learn to change the subject. However, every other subject under the sun doesn't work in our company either. They are planning to home school starting soon (a very heated topic of discussion in my family) and they have changed religions and are becoming very rigid and opinionated, so any topic becomes hard to talk about. They are starting to disagree with even the thought of IF treatments, so even Brett and I feel discriminated against. It is awful. I love my brother, but how did all of this happen? Seriously, my brother grew up one block outside of NYC on Long Island, my SIL grew up one town south of us, just a few blocks from Queens too...and they are now farmers who barely have running water in their house and plan to home school! (there is nothing wrong with home schooling if approached properly...and if you continue to let your children experience different things in the this instance, not good!).

You can tell how stressed I am just thinking about all of this. So, I'm hoping to start letting some of this go. I've been dreading this visit for weeks and am now just looking forward to getting it over with so we can move forward into the fall. We have a fun trip scheduled to visit with Brett's mom and sis in Michigan and some college football action out there. I want this weekend to be over so we can start looking forward to that!


Amber said...

As much as I don't want to pass judgment on your family - This woman is insane! Maybe she secretly wishes that her uterus will rupture so she can get even more attention? Or maybe she read in Cosmo or Vogue that low-birthweight babies are all the rage in Paris? Sounds like someone I would want to slap! All I can say is: GOOD LUCK! Don't stress yourself out.

Jill M. said...

Your SIL is a piece of work! I think I would just have to tell her like it is and get in her face when she's obnoxious. Can I slap her, can I, please???

Can't wait to see the sporty beer gut! LOL

Not Your Aunt B said...

There are women like that everywhere, pregnant and not, SIL and not. Just listen, take mental notes, and wait. Because the best thing is to hear them completely change their story when push comes to shove (or push comes to c-section perhaps in this case). Crazy is crazy. Ain't nothing you can do about it but laugh (in secret with your husband) and be thankful you aren't crazy too.
YAY for beer gut swimming bellies!

Allison said...

When I started to read this post, I immediately thought, "oh gosh, this SIL is CRRAAZZZZYYY" and then I thought, "now now, dont be judgemental, shes probablly not that bad" and by the end I was back to "WHOA THIS SIL IS INSANE!" :) HA- I hope this weekend goes as well as possible and you dont end up getting too frustrated! Im sorry she's so tough to deal with!

DAVs said...

Yikes. That woman sounds certifiable for many reasons. Sorry for the stress--just take it one breathe at a time. And know that whatever she says to you, it's only words and opinions from someone you don't even respect very try to let them roll off.
And--because I'm a horrible person--you know she's going to be so jealous of your barely their bump and that would make me smile. There, I said it.

Retro Girl said...

This sounds like a stressful situation indeed! I feel the most sorry for your SIL's child who appears to have been conceived because of his/her mother's own insecurities. Poor kid.

You know, I have found that I get overloaded with opinions now that I am preggo...about everything under the sun. But I've also found that this time is giving me some new opinion sorting skills.

As for the insomnia, I really struggled with this for a couple of weeks. Then I figured it out - I was eating my last meal at 6PM or so, then not having anything else before bed. But when I would wake up at 2AM, I didn't really feel hungry. Anyway, I started having a snack right before bed (cereal, yogurt, ice cream ;-)), and that has done the trick. I now sleep through the night. Baby wanted food....not saying your's is for the same reason, but I know a couple weeks ago, I really wasn't eating enough - and that really seemed to be the source of a lot of my issues.

Oh - and I am so with Davs. She is going to be totally green when she sees your barely-there belly. Relish in it. I absolutely would.

kayjay said...

Ugh. I remember you blogging about your SIL before and she does sound like quite the fright. Just think - you are so much stronger than she is. Can you imagine what she would have been like if your roles were reversed? She would be so dellusional about IF that she would never be able to face up to the facts in order to make intelligent choices about treatment! I hope for your sake that the weekend passes by quickly with as little arguments as possible.

Me said...

I will always read evil SIL rants cuz they make me feel less bad about doing them myself. ;)

Deanna said...

Be brave out there!!

Oh my lordy lordy... this sounds like a lot to handle. You have given yourself some excellent advice.... just sit back and listen. In my experience... families can make us crazy... but if you sit back and look at as a "gong show movie", the context changes.

I agree with home schooling... in some cases it is in the childs best interest to home school... and then... it is probably SAFER (!) when they get a community setting education.

30 lbs OUCH. VBAC after 2 C/S. CRAZY! Just be a duck... sit back take it all in... and then let it roll off your back.. or actually take notes... that way we can have some good reading upon their departure.

Wishing you comfort with your chewed up lips this next week. (Given the fact that you might have to do a lot of biting them...)

Lost in Space said...

Ughhh. That is a whole lot to take. I have 2.5 (0.5 because one is only obnoxious 1/2 the time...LOL) extremely opinionated SILs who I avoid at all cost to keep my sanity. The best I can do when stuck with them for too long is grit my teeth while I mutter, "Thanks, we'll keep that in mind." I hope you are able to make it through okay.

Also glad you are feeling better and getting some energy back!