Thursday, September 9, 2010

IF frustration again

So, I am anxiously awaiting AF. She was due on Monday and it is now Thursday. Initially, this was a good thing because I have to schedule my day 3 bloodwork as soon as I get her and I need to schedule my one day workup in Colorado too. AF being late was good because I can skip over the days that Brett needs to be in Massachusetts next week so that I can make sure that he is home to take care of Teagan while I fly my (un)happy ass to Colorado. However, I NEED to get her today. The thing is that I know she is coming. All of the symptoms are there (and, no, there is NO CHANCE that this is an "oops" so stop thinking it...but thanks) and I am never late. The thing is that the local RE does my monitoring and he is closed on Sunday (and most of Saturday too as a matter of fact). Ridiculous right? Well, if I get AF today I can try to convince them to get me in on Saturday. If I get it tomorrow, SOL. This isn't a huge crying my eyes out disaster but enough of an annoyance that I thought I'd post and bitch and moan in public about it.

So, I am starting on the infertility roller coaster again. This time is different though. We will still be rendered poor by this cycle, we will still be upset and hurt if it doesnt work. I will still be a pincushion and a bloated chicken for a week or so and I'll probably even put on a few pounds. The main difference will be that I won't be absolutely obsessed with this and hanging my entire life on I have a beautiful family already. It would be nice to have more children, but I will be happy with my little family if that isn't possible. However, I know I'll still get stressed by the process and the travel and the timing of the whole thing. I just want this part of my life over with.

I know I can't really complain. I did 7 IVF cycles and finally had my beautiful miracle baby. I have a great friend who just completed her 10th cycle with an unbelievable BFN. It was flat-out shocking. Incredibly she is still dusting herself off and is plugging forward with another consult with a different doctor who has different ideas and theories. She is amazing. She has been through so much. She is close to throwing in the towel but doesn't know which way to go - she already gave up the idea of using her own eggs for the most part (last cycle she transferred 2 CGH (tested on day 3) normals - one of her own and one from a donor), she is close to giving up her dream of carrying and is looking for a surrogate to carry an embryo made from her own eggs, but the last hurdle is just too frightening for her- the idea of a donor egg in a surrogate. She'd rather adopt - an option her husband refuses to consider. I am writing about her because she is on my mind alot. I so want her to carry a baby that I keep praying this doctor has some explanation but I wonder how much more of this she can do. So, I recognize that though my journey was long, I am one very very lucky woman....and mother.

Besides that, life here is great. My baby is beautiful and funny and very sweet. We are enjoying every minute. I'll update on my progress in my next post.


Christi said...

Best of Luck to you. We just started back at CCRM again in April with the workup.

lastchanceivf said...

It's hard to keep perspective in the midst of all this crap, and you do it well. You do have a beautiful baby and I hope you can add to the family! Come on go put some white pants on :)

Caroline said...

Hi Sue,
I've been thinking of you! Good luck with the consult at CCRM. I think going through IF treatment is really difficult for everyone. My cousin rated IVF for her second baby as just as hard as IVF for her first baby. You still have the same desire for another child, even though you are blessed with Tegan.
Thinking of you - keep us updated.

Jill M. said...

OMGosh, I cannot even imagine having to start all over with the one day workup and go through the stress of another cycle. You are one strong woman! I wish you the best of luck on this next journey. Now come on AF!

Your poor poor friend! That is just heartbreaking to hear!

kayjay said...

The ride still goes on and on and on doesn't it? I'm sorry it is back to the frustration of IF and I wish you all the best as you do the ODW. Come on AF - show yourself ASAP!