Crankiness, the cycle update and canned tomatoes

I think our baby girl is teething finally. At least, I hope so...or I hope its a phase she's going through or something because someone is CRANKY!!!! I left last Monday for my one day workup in CO, cried my eyes out that I was leaving while Brett and Teagan looked perfectly fine with the situation (happy someone could keep it together) and I was off. At which point, Teagan started sneezing, sniffling and coughing for poor daddy. So, the moment I left, she got a cold. But, no worries, daddy did great, propping up the crib, sucking little snots out with the bulby thing they give you at the hospital, using nasal saline and even finding baby vicks at the drugstore. Teagan was in good hands. I, on the other hand, was a wreck. First, I slept about 4 hours Sunday night because I was so nervous to leave. Then I took a late flight on Monday and didn't get into CO until 12:30, was asleep by 1:30 (3:30 our time) and had to be up at 6 and out to the clinic by 7:15...full day of tests and blood work (they were awesome by the way, and rushed me through the things that I really didn't need to spend time on and shortening up my schedule for me) and then I took a 5:10 flight from there, got delayed in Chicago and didn't get home until 2:30...so I got very little sleep for three days and was a walking zombie on Wednesday. However, here is the good news....

My numbers are great this time! My FSH was 7.2, my E2 was 31. AMH was 1.6 and I had (get this) 30 antral follicles. 30!!!!! I go in for my consult with my RE and say, "did I have, like, 25 follices or something crazy like that?" and he goes...."30!!!!" yay! Anyway, everything looks great and I can start ASAP...which prompted a discussion about what ASAP meant and I have my suppression check and if all is good, start lupron tomorrow! How amazing is that? Honestly, its perfect b/c I want to get this over with and relax and enjoy the holidays with my family. So, my idea was that since everything looks great, my stats are better than ever, why not strike now while things look so good and get this over with? So, all of it aligned and as long as my suppression check goes well, we start tomorrow and I should be heading back out to CO with Teagan and Brett by the middle of October:-)

Besides that I don't have too much to report...but, I know a fellow blogger a while ago wrote a big post about the danger of canned tomatoes and then I freaked out about all of the BPAs in can liners (not realizing that this was the same problem at the time...) but then I found out that Muir Glen makes canned tomatoes that are in enamel-lined cans, so we can go back to some use of canned tomatoes, though they are more expensive, they are organcic and sans-BPA, so I am all for it. If you already knew this (they've been in enamel lined cans for over a year, I think), then you should have told me! If not, then enjoy:-) You can find them in the organic or healthy food aisle at the grocery store!!! Yay! Chili!

And, a pic of me and Teagan a few weeks ago at a birthday party...

Thanks for the good wishes!!

I did get AF...right when I knew she'd come. In the late afternoon on Friday...when my day 3 would fall on Sunday and everything was closed to talk to anyone. Luckily, my early panic helped me. I had already talked to my nurse at CCRM who told me that they are okay with me doing it on day 2 if I get "full flow" on day 1. So, knowing that my local RE has half days on Thursdays and is only open for a few hours (if needed) on Saturday and is completely closed on Sunday, I called Thursday and made an appointment for Saturday. I love the nurses and staff there but I also know that they hate when people come in on Saturdays and they are very reluctant to get people in...so I said I was already spotting and needed the appt and they gave me their only one left (so they said) which was for 8 am today. I did get AF at the most inconvenient time, but it made yesterday technically day 1 so today was day 2 and we were off.

The nurses were great today, they chatted with me and Brett (who also needed to get a blood test done and shipped with mine), and loved on Teagan. Brett and I were a little upset that everyone in the waiting room obviously believed we were beloved patients for whom IVF at the local clinic had finally worked. In our hearts we would have liked to tell everyone in the waiting room to run for their lives, but such is life I guess. We were a good advertisement for the local clinic today. The truth is that they are awful, the doctor is nutty, their stats are terrible, and the lab is pretty bad too, but the nurses and staff are awesome, so what could I say? I just want to put it out there again...if you are at a clinic and doing IVF after IVF with no success, please please please get a second opinion!!!!

As for me, one hurdle cleared. Now for the ODWU in Colorado. Its set for Tues the 21st. If anyone has done a successful cycle there and then gone back, can you tell me if you had to do ALL of the ODWU stuff over again. I got my schedule and it looks ridiculous with all of the stuff I have to do over....I think its a mistake but I have to wait until Monday to talk to my nurse. In the meantime, I have to hold off on getting my flights because as it stands now, I'd have to leave Monday night and get back late Tuesday. If I can cut out the stuff I've already done, I can actually leave early Tuesday morning and be back Tuesday night....much better for this mommy who is making herself do this but would MUCH RATHER stay at home with her baby.

IF frustration again

So, I am anxiously awaiting AF. She was due on Monday and it is now Thursday. Initially, this was a good thing because I have to schedule my day 3 bloodwork as soon as I get her and I need to schedule my one day workup in Colorado too. AF being late was good because I can skip over the days that Brett needs to be in Massachusetts next week so that I can make sure that he is home to take care of Teagan while I fly my (un)happy ass to Colorado. However, I NEED to get her today. The thing is that I know she is coming. All of the symptoms are there (and, no, there is NO CHANCE that this is an "oops" so stop thinking it...but thanks) and I am never late. The thing is that the local RE does my monitoring and he is closed on Sunday (and most of Saturday too as a matter of fact). Ridiculous right? Well, if I get AF today I can try to convince them to get me in on Saturday. If I get it tomorrow, SOL. This isn't a huge crying my eyes out disaster but enough of an annoyance that I thought I'd post and bitch and moan in public about it.

So, I am starting on the infertility roller coaster again. This time is different though. We will still be rendered poor by this cycle, we will still be upset and hurt if it doesnt work. I will still be a pincushion and a bloated chicken for a week or so and I'll probably even put on a few pounds. The main difference will be that I won't be absolutely obsessed with this and hanging my entire life on this.one.chance. I have a beautiful family already. It would be nice to have more children, but I will be happy with my little family if that isn't possible. However, I know I'll still get stressed by the process and the travel and the timing of the whole thing. I just want this part of my life over with.

I know I can't really complain. I did 7 IVF cycles and finally had my beautiful miracle baby. I have a great friend who just completed her 10th cycle with an unbelievable BFN. It was flat-out shocking. Incredibly she is still dusting herself off and is plugging forward with another consult with a different doctor who has different ideas and theories. She is amazing. She has been through so much. She is close to throwing in the towel but doesn't know which way to go - she already gave up the idea of using her own eggs for the most part (last cycle she transferred 2 CGH (tested on day 3) normals - one of her own and one from a donor), she is close to giving up her dream of carrying and is looking for a surrogate to carry an embryo made from her own eggs, but the last hurdle is just too frightening for her- the idea of a donor egg in a surrogate. She'd rather adopt - an option her husband refuses to consider. I am writing about her because she is on my mind alot. I so want her to carry a baby that I keep praying this doctor has some explanation but I wonder how much more of this she can do. So, I recognize that though my journey was long, I am one very very lucky woman....and mother.

Besides that, life here is great. My baby is beautiful and funny and very sweet. We are enjoying every minute. I'll update on my progress in my next post.