Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The plan and an anniversary

Thursday was our anniversary of 4 years. We didn't really have much planned but it all kind of fell apart anyway, which is absolutely fine:-) Brett had to work late so we decided to pretend our anniversary was Saturday instead of Thursday. But we forgot that we had a 1 year birthday party for our neighbor's beautiful little boy....so we changed that to Sunday. It seemed like a good idea. We had a great time at Josh's birthday. On Sunday we woke up early (what else is new with a 4 month old in the house?), I got Teagan out of her room and put her in bed with us to nurse her and then try to nap again...we all napped until about 7:30. Brett realized that he left the anniversary card at work (we said no gifts this year) so I kept mine hidden too...but we had breakfast and got ready for church, then the mall to exchange some baby clothes, then home and then finally we decided to go out to dinner and "celebrate". Well, we went out to the Bonefish Grill (great GF menu!). However, halfway through dinner, Teagan got fussy...and then 3/4 of the way through dinner, I started feeling my belly making bad movements and noises. I know this had nothing to do with the restaurant b/c I had felt iffy all day...but it all came to fruition when we were out to eat (but they are one of the only restaurants that has GF dessert!!!!). We had to leave. I was sick all night Sunday and most of yesterday. So, the anniversary was kind of a bust, but it was also one of the best b/c this year there is finally 3 of us and 3 dogs...how wonerful is that?

Now, on to the plan. I had my phone consult with my RE on Friday. I am going to breastfeed until the end of July. In the meantime, I am pumping extra and freezing it daily, hoping to extend her time on breastmilk to 6 months. I would LOVE to keep breastfeeding to a year but we all know my eggs were crap at 34 so I'm not anticipating them being much better at 36. (as a side note, the idea of stopping breastfeeding is KILLING me and I am trying to work through this process in advance so that it isn't so hard later. I can't really explain why it is so hard...and maybe it would be hard to stop ever, but it is so stressful! I think I just like being the source of her food....weird. Plus, it is funny when she stares at my boobs and opens her mouth, sticking her little tongue out like a hungry baby bird!). Okay....when I stop breastfeeding, I will hopefully get my period back within a month (this year sans AF has been nice). As soon as I get that period, I can call my nurse to send me the bloodwork kit from their clinic so that when AF #2 comes around I can go for my CD3 bloodwork locally. Then I pack it up for a day and travel to Colorado for my one day workup again...a hysteroscopy, resting follicle count, maybe doppler and some bloodwork again. I'm hoping to be able to do that in one day and travel home ASAP b/c I'll be leaving Brett alone with Teagan and hoping he can get off work. As soon as that is done, I will be good to go for an ER cycle with my third AF. That puts us around late October or November. We'll do an ER, same meds and protocol since it worked. Then I can rest. Supposedly we will do MA this time because the results are coming back faster than CGH...but we aren't rushing the transfer, its the ER that I was rushing. We'll likely transfer sometime in late Feb or March the earliest, if we are lucky enough to get some good embryos. If not, we are just done. And broke. Even worse, in debt. But, we have to give it one more shot.

So, that is it. Nothing too exciting. I don't want to go on for hours about my neurosis regarding stopping breastfeeding because that's annoying. I'm also not going to go on for hours on how much I like BFing. I also will probably talk in future about how doing all of this again makes me a little nervous, but for now, I'm just going with it. We aren't lucky enough to just get accidentally pregnant and no amount of waiting around for a miracle is going to help...so just get up and get back on the horse. There is that old story that a man is up on top of a house during a very bad flood and he is waiting for God to help him. A man comes by in a rowboat and offers to take him away and he says "no thanks, God will save me". Later, a rescue helicopter comes by and he says again "no thanks, God will save me" and he dies on the roof in the flood b/c God tried to save him twice by sending help but he was too stupid to realize it. So, CCRM is the rescue helicopter for us...we better hop on and get going, right?


lastchanceivf said...

"but we all know my eggs were crap at 34"....well, Teagan might disagree with this statement :)

Happy Anniversary! I realized reading this that if you guys have been married just four years then you have spent the lionshare of your marriage dealing with IF, and man you guys deserve a break from that! I hope the next cycle is smooth from start to finish!

Sue said...

Lol...last chance, oops! I guess I was thinking that it was just hard to find a GOOD egg, you know? Luckily we found at least one GREAT one:-) They are just scarce...as they should be for how fabulous they are...all the more special, right?

Hope in Virginia said...

Happy Anniversary! I'm sure it is both exciting and scary thinking about starting the roller coaster all over again. Hopefully since you've been through it before you'll get some comfort out of knowing what to expect. And of course you'll always have precious Teagan to brighten your day!

Jill M. said...

Happy anniversary!!! I'm sorry it didn't turn out well. I can only imagine how hard it would be to stop breastfeeding and I cannot imagine prepping for another IVF! It must be like deja vu, here we go again, another one-day workup and ER, etc. I wish you the best on your journey to a sibling and can't wait to follow along! Hugs

PJ said...


I think you guys are absolutely amazing for getting back on the horse, and I'll be cheering you on along the whole ride. Like you did for me. :)

Happy belated anniversary. Ours is coming up on the 23rd, and I can hardly believe that it might be FOUR of us. Unreal.

Actually, I'd love to hear about how you love breastfeeding, how you love being a mom, and anything else like that!

Sky said...

Yeah, it would be terrific if you stopped breastfeeding, started tossing your cookies and stared at two pink lines on a stick scratching your head with incredulity. But I'm a realist too and on the heels of a few good egg picks last time, I'd get the show on the road and grab 'em while they're hot.

After all, you have a beautiful 4 month old who is the product of what CCRM's help provided. It will be wonderful to have another couple of babies on ice.

Amber said...

Were you at least able to get a GF dessert to go? :(

kayjay said...

You are one brave and tough cookie! I completely understand how difficult it is to have to stop breastfeeding - it's the emotional attachment and a special closeness that you feel with Teagan when nursing I think that makes it so hard. As for another round with CCRM...you are so strong. I hope that everything goes really well and that you get the sibling you are trying for.

Lisa said...

Good luck Sue!!!

I am totally amazed at you for being able to give IVF another go. I would love a sibling for Cooper, but I just don't think I have it in me. I have dreams about embryos and Dr. Schoolcraft though, so I guess you never know... but something tells me if we ever have another baby, it'll be through adoption.

I'll be rooting you on from the sidelines.

Polly Gamwich said...

As you know, we are in the same boat. I get all that you've implied when it comes to stopping breastfeeding.

July will be here before you knnow it and I'll be here to cheer you on!

Linda said...

(baby mentioned)
Happy Anniversary to you! What a special anniversary this is! We spent our 16th anniversary sleeping, as baby was a mere 18 days old.

I so understand about the breastfeeding. Mine is 7 1/2 months old and is still exclusively breastfed. I love BF'ing, so I'm not rushing into starting him on solids just yet. He doesn't seem interested anyway.

I've been thinking about going for #2, which would be IVF #4 and subsequent FET #5. But the thought of that scares me so much. So right now, I'm just going to continue BF'ing and then wait until he decides to wean himself. So I don't see myself going down that path again for about 2 years.

Good luck on your next cycle!!

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary! So happy that it was such a special one (though with stomach issues...). Just wanted to pop in and say - if you are going for baby #2, I whole heartedly endorse your plan to wean. I think I should have done it sooner with my first (17 months - wouldn't take a bottle, but that's another story) because it took a while for everything to get back in order. I started for #2 when the first was 20 months, it took 2.5 years and 4 more tries (2 FETs, 1 fresh, 1 fresh/cgh) for another golden egg. I would have loved them to be closer in age (but also finding that their age differences has many pros). In any event I wish you much success in the near future!