Things are a little better this week. As expected, my mom has decided to act as if nothing happened with the whole abusive hanging up on me episode. My tendency is to let it go. I'm terrible at holding grudges but I'm learning that I don't necessarily need to hold a grudge so much as not let EVERYTHING go all the time. So, I am being civil but planning to have a conversation with her. Brett gets upset that everyone is my family cuts her so much slack. We all get beaten down and held accountable but everyone in my family lets her act terribly and then immediately forgives her and lets it go. So, I am working on it. I have an appointment with a therapist later this week and I will see how things go after that. I know I've spent the last few months trying to establish boundaries to protect my family and it is starting to wear on me because I am seeing that none of it is working.
One of the weirdest things is that she insisted on throwing me a shower, which will be in a few weeks. This seemed like a nice idea. However, I am buying stuff for the shower, had to be there when she bought decorations, had to help her fill out the invitations and now I have to be thankful that she did all this work. To make matters worse, I went gluten free before this transfer and I've gotten even more sensitive to gluten than I was previously, to the extent that if I even ingest something that was anywhere near anything with gluten on it, I immediately vomit and am sick for over a day. I was surprised by this little development but it has kept me honest and my baby safe since celiac and serius gluten sensitivity can cause miscarriage. In any event, my mother knows this and is making everything for the shower with gluten in it. Everything. According to her list, there was not a damn thing I could eat at my own party (I even suggested potato salad and she insisted on pasta salad). Luckily my SIL (the one I am not great friends with, ironically) has come through and felt sorry for me so is trying to co-host the shower and will be making some snacks and cupcakes that I can share in. I mean, how mean is it to have a pregnant lady at a party where she sits and watches others eat? mean, right? Anyway, enough complaining. The shower is in 2 weeks and except for my mom hosting it, I can't wait. It is so exciting to me to have my friends celebrating my baby:-) On the other hand, if things get worse again between us, I'll just direct everyone over to my house and my SIL will host it here. Weird, but possibly necessary. To be honest, I kind of wish mom didn't want to do this because I had several friends who wanted to host it but I let my mom do it because she insisted.
Besides that, tomorrow is my husband's birthday and he is away on a miserable business trip. Ugh. I had hoped to make a nice dinner and have a nice, quiet evening and a cake. But, unfortunately, he is away. I also have an OB appointment tomorrow that he has to miss, which he isn't happy about. But, it isn't anything big. Just an office visit and the gestational diabetes test...so hopefully everything will be fine. On Thursday, we start childbirth classes!!!! It is 2 hours a night on Thursdays for 4 weeks. Not exactly sure how I feel about it since it feels weird showing up anywhere with 2 pillows and I have odd images in my head as to what I am going to encounter, but here we go! My labor and delivery tour at the hospital was also supposed to be this week but the hospital called and cancelled. It seems the H1N1 outbreak here has been so bad that they are severely limiting visitors to the hospital. It is so bad that they aren't even allowing any children under the age of 18 even as a visitor. So, a friend who is due on Friday can't have her 16 year old son visit her in the hospital. I think they should just give him a mask and let him in....but what do I know?
Last but definitely not least...I want to wish a blog friend good luck on her transfer tomorrow. She and I have been online friends in the forums and on our blogs for well over a year now and she is going for her last shot! If you can, hop over to http://lastchanceivf.blogspot.com/ and wish her some good luck, some sticky vibes, and support. She is a wonderful person who really needs the chance to be a wonderful mom. I have a good feeling about this one!!!!
6 comments:
Ugh. Your mom is stressing ME out! lol I'm glad you were able to get an appointment with a therapist. Hopefully you can get some good tips on how to set your mom straight without feeling bad or being a total... oh, I'll just the word jerk lol... to her.
It sucks that Brett has to be away for his b-day :( I'm sure he'll still appreciate a nice meal and a cake when he gets home, especially if this trip sucked for him.
I'm counting 27 weeks as the start of the 3rd trimester, too! lol And I didn't expect to get an ultrasound this time. They told me I'd have one at 20 weeks and then the next would be at 34 weeks, but the doctor I saw last time (who is a jolly old man) said, "Ehhhh, we'll do an ultrasound next time to check the growth." I was totally surprised, but was NOT gonna argue with him! lol
Your mom is my husband's mom. You have developed a tolerance out of necessity which makes the rest of us perplexed, but it is your survival mechanism. Therapy will help.
And if she doesn't get her act together about your baby shower, I will make gluten-free yummies and send them your way because you have to enjoy your shower fully!
My hubs had to miss one OB appt. and I recorded the heartbeat on my phone then sent it to him. I liked listening to it over and over too- I am cheesy that way.
OMG, Your Mom!!! Can I just slap her once?
Tell Brett Happy Bday for me! I'm sorry he's stuck away. =(
That's scary about the H1N1 breakout. I'm trying to get the vaccine but everyone is out!
Birthing classes, how exciting! Let us know if you learn anything good.
Hi there,
I found your blog through another blog, and just wanted to say hello!
I am now 26 weeks pregnant after our second IVF cycle. I'm going to be following your journey. When are you due?
caroline-frominfertilitytobaby.blogspot.com
Ok, though I just commented on your previous post that I was going to stick to words of support, I'm going to offer up a little bit of assvice here: Boundaries are a good thing, so keep working on setting (and, more importantly, ENFORCING) them. The boundaries aren't for your mom's benefit (although it certainly sounds like she would benefit from them!) They're for you, and your family.
You may never, ever get her to respect them in any significant way. However, if you respect them, which means doing whatever you decide you need to do when she crosses them (confronting her, politely but immediately and firmly ending the call with her, telling her you are choosing to end the conversation with her because it has reached a tone that is no longer appropriate and respectful, etc.), your boundaries will still be intact. And, hopefully, so will at least a shred of your sanity. :-)
Dang, sorry you have to deal with your mom being difficult! Hope the therapist can give you some strategies that are helpful! Bummer that DH is out of town, but hey, it give you the chance to plan something special for his return! ;-) Hope your appt goes well!
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