bumps in the road

So, I just started trying to get my milk supply back after ALL THAT. I can't believe I am even typing this. Anyway, the first few days of breast milk/formula mixing went fine. Then we noticed a rash. The rash got worse, I tried changing formulas, the rash is still there. I did some research. She is probably showing an allergic reaction to either the milk in the formula or the soy. Either way, it may be too much for my conscience. Then, Brett came home and we discussed how stressed we are about doing a cycle this fall and how we are going to pay for it. We decided to try to push it off...which is totally conceivable, HOWEVER, we have a flexible spending account at his work with about $3k in it that we have to spend on medical expenses before the end of the year - otherwise, we lose that money. This seemed unlikely to be a problem because we were planning on the one-day workup this fall and likely a cycle as well. Now what? I am not going to let us lose that money. I thought I could call up the finance office at CCRM and discuss paying for the one day workup and bloodtests, etc before they are actually done, and they'd now likely be done in January...but I just found out from other people that the financial office didn't let them do this under similar circumstances. So, here I sit...stuck. I tried to follow our schedule and did everything in my power to move forward but I'm hitting so many snags. For now, it looks like I will try to breastfeed again for a few more months and try to make it so I can fit in that ODWU sometime just before the December shut down at CCRM. Its going to be cutting it close. Someone had a great idea of getting my meds early and paying for that with the flexible spending money but so far, that's the one thing that insurance has covered for us. Ugh, we really went about this in a stupid manner. If it weren't for that money in the account, I'd honestly be a little relieved not to worry about a trip this fall, to be able to breastfeed again and get rid of that poor rash on Teagan. But, I have no idea how to manage this.

So, I'm stressed. I'm sure its compounded by guilt about her poor red tushy and the likelihood that my hormones are nuts since I stopped breastfeeding and I think I am almost due for my first period since last April. But, if you've experienced PMS, knowing these things are making your crazy doesn't really help you deal with them.

Oh, and Teagan has her pediatrician checkup on Monday so I'll discuss the rash with him. I know he'll point me to other formula options but I don't know how I feel about the costs of that and what those other options are. I really don't want a soy based formula for her (I was allergic to soy as a child, among other reasons) and I just want to feed her something that is good for her. I know there are lots of formula options that I haven't tried but the fact that she is having reactions to the 2 that I tried (which both have milk and soy in them) is just wearing on my conscience. Ugh.